my boyfriend was supposed to move down here once our daughter is born in december but of course now he is backing out and sayin how he is going to fight for joint custody...he lives in connecticut and i live in maryland...is my duaghter really going to have to be trecked back and forth from both states at such a young age?
we lived in connecticut and i got offered an amazing job down here and he has a semester of college still left...he graduates in december and before i took the job down here he said to take it and he would meet me down here since she will not be born until mid-december...i planned on workin and he was goin to stay home with her until may and then my job was going to transfer me to new york so we can be closer to family...we just broke up bc he decided to go back on out plan bc does not want to be away from all his friends up in ct...
Answers:
1. My best advice is to become adament about breast feeding.. then, breast feed when the baby is born.. it will buy you some time and no court will let him take the baby from you for more than an hour or so as long as you are breastfeeding.. learn the benefits of it and the risks of baby being away from mom.. it will give you some time while you seek out the advice of an attorney and see how involved the father really is once the baby gets here.. I'm all for dad's being involved and a major part of baby's life.. but, at such a young age.. the baby doesn't need to be shipped around that much between states. Breastfeeding will give everyone a little time to reconsider everything.
2. Joint custody just means equal rights to both parents. He can have joint, but you will be the "custodial" parent (child lives with you). You have every right to make a good life for you and your child. His visitations will have to be set by the Courts (you may want to take care of it yourself, they will only create a wedge). Just remember it soooo important that a child has both parents in their life. Maybe meet 1/2 way 2x month. It's not going to be easy, but the more you both cooperarte with eachother the better for everyone.
3. don't worry i had the same problem we both got shared custody because the baby was to young to tavel my baby's father had to come down to my home town to visit . after a while he moved down so that he could see the baby more often. but always try to work out the problems together try to stay away from the courts getting invloved
4. Joint custody is equal parental control. Visitation is a separate issue and physical placement (where the child will reside) is yet another. Let's not forget about child support and birthing costs. I doubt he will have much money to afford trekking your child back and forth anyways.
Let them know you have unresolved issues with the father and request mediation and do not sign anything that you do not understand or do not agree with. If anything at all starts to sound too complicated tell them you do not understand and ask for an attorney.
Tell them that you refuse to allow your child to leave the state that you reside in.
Breastfeeding is an excellent idea!!! Not only to keep your child close to home but for a good nutritional start! The one hour visit is false due to the breast pump and your ability to return to an 8-hour job.
If your baby is born in Maryland and you reside in Maryland, custody hearings will have to be in Maryland. It can be costly for him, especially, if you contest it.
I am guessing being still in school, he isn't going to have much money to play with unless he has money to begin with or can get the financial backing elsewhere.
A friend of mine had to hire an attorney in Illinois (he was from Wisconsin) and it cost him almost $10,000 just the first 3 months of having to go to court every 4 weeks. He gave up because it cost too much (travel, time off from work, extra expenses, child support, etc.).
Does he have a history of using "power" threats like that over you. You know, if you don't do what I want then I am going to do this, kind of thing? Maybe it's just a threat. You would know, does he have the finances available to take you to court?
Not being married is an advantage for you in this instance.
|
