I am trying to teach them that marital sex is great, and that parents really do have sex. Why is it ok for shows like Friends to show sex outside of wedlock? I think we have it backwards. Kids can't stand the thought of their parents doing it, but it is ok to see pre-marital sex all over the media. My girls know I am madly in love with their dad, but them finding my personal stuff makes me very uncomfortable. What should I do? I want them to have the mindset of marital bliss, not pre-marital bliss, then having a boring sexless marriage.
Answers:
1. You need to lock this stuff up. It's none of their business. SO don't even go there with with them. They have no business finding this stuff. really.
you don't have to discuss this with them as yet.
Frankly, let's get real... between us girls... is there REALLY such a thing as marital bliss? Be realistic... not fantasyland too.
2. Your children will see and hear lots of things you wish they wouldn't....but that's life.
Your job is to give them a good moral foundation.....morals that you want them to have for the rest of their lives.
Remember you're their first role model....so live your best life.
That way they can make good choices for themselves when challenges come up.
3. Wow, my son had found mine a couple of years back and he was about 12 at the time. I told him that it was a gag gift from one of my old girlfriends, and then I threw it away!! Oh man, I was so embarassed!
4. its gross to think of your parents "doing it"...
you've done your job in explaining to them that most parents have healthy sex lives...and there's nothing really you can say or do about what they discovered...why were they in your stuff?
hold your head up and let it go...kids will be kids...nosy and grossed out about their parents having sex...
shoot... it grosses me out to think of my 64 yr old dad getting busy...some things just are ok left alone...
5. I can understand your pain! I had the same issue happen twice! No matter where I hid them my son would find them anyway. So what you could do is..purchase a safe to keep your "Happy Hour" toys in like I did. After I did that I never had
anymore hide and seek issues.
6. personally i agree with you in that its a bad thing that they see all these things on tv,but dont you think that a 10 year old should be playing with dolls instead of worrying about a happy sex life when shes marrried?she should only think about those parts for peeing at the mnoment.
i hope you dont put too much into their heads at too young an age. if you wish to talk more message and we can chat if you want more advice.
7. Why was you laying around in the first place so they could find it? Be more careful where you keep your toys.
You're not a terrible parent, although careless this one time.
Either way it's not that big of a deal, this does not change the good morals you're trying to teach.
8. I think that it is ok that they found it if your teaching them that marital sex is good then explain to them that toys are sometimes involed and not to be bothered
9. The message you are sending your girls is great and I applaud you for it. Society does send some very confusing messages to kids about sex and I think your outlook is very healthy for your girls. You are right, no kid wants to think of their parents as having sex... too often society only portraits premarital, extramarital, and bi / gay sex as exciting but, for them to know that a married couple can have a very exciting sex life is important for their future.. I wouldn't submit them to full blown detail yet, though.. they are still pretty young. I'd find a better hiding spot for the toys.
10. You having toys implies that your husband alone is not good enough. Getting pleasure from something other than your husband also implies that premarital sex is ok as long as you get pleasure. Toys are youre extramarital affair. If this is not what you want for your child then dont do it.
11. Thats ok my friends 2 year old son came running out of her bedroom one day in front of her parents and grandparents with a dildo in his hand screaming "mommy mommy look what I found"It happens.Just tell your kids its a back massager.
12. I think it's good to show them the love and affection that you have with your husband, and explain to them about the importance of having a loving relationship with your spouse. Absolutely nothing wrong with that at all.
However, I think the personal massager is a little bit graphic for a 10 or 12 year old. If they're not asking about it, I would find a nice, secure place to store it and let it go at that.
If they have found it, there are two possibilities.
1. They know what it is: If this is the case, they're not going to come to you and ask about it. They might be a little embarrassed that they found it.
2. They don't know what it is: If that's the case, they probably would have asked you about it already. If they haven't, but they do sometime soon, I think you speak in very generic terms. "I use that for massaging myself and releasing tension". Hopefully, they don't ask you for a demonstration. :)
13. Just because they found it doesnt mean you need to tell them exactly what it is. I do believe 10 and 12 is a bit young to be learning about alternatives to orgasam. They need to know about sex, that its best to wait for marriage, the reason for having it, that it feels good, but I would wait a bit before getting more into the details of the feeling good aspect
14. how would a 10 and 12 year old know what a vibrator was?
is it shaped like a wiener peckerwood?
15. I have to ask , what do you base your research on in your statement that if people have sex before marriage that their marriage will be boring and sexless?
Please dont speak about thing's if you have no idea on it , it just show's how naive you are.
2ndly I have to ask , you want your girl's to have respect for themselves enough to not have sex outside of marriage so your being open and honest with them teaching them about love and marriage and what the ties are that combine them into 1 right? , but yet your also raising them with the biassed opinion's of your naivety towards pre-marital sex and post marriage sex as being boring?
So Yes in a way you are a bad parent , because your not investigating the information and presenting it properly and in a way they are capable of understanding on both side's of the fence's , not just the high and mighty side that society snobs look at.
I think you should concentrate on raising your children with the understanding of their bodies and their hearts and their minds without using your power of being their parent as a passageway to control them enough to be to scared to consider sex outside of marriage and condemming them to a boring marriage with sex because they rushed in and married the 1st guy their hormones drove them insane over and he is the wrong guy because you manipulated them into believing what you believe.
Let them grow up and find themselves and be their own people and not mini you.
16. Just be real with them. The cat is out of the bag so to speak now.....Try a lock.
17. I think the younger you teach kids about sex the better. I went to high school with a girl who got pregnant at 12 and had her daughter at 13 so I certainly don't think 12 is too young to hear about sex. An informed child can make better decisions, and I think an open relationship now will make it easier for your children to talk to you about these things when they are older. Just be upfront and honest. Teach them masturbation is normal and nothing to be ashamed about although it should be a private thing.
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