This is not in reference to a specific problem or situation, but rather a recurring one. Here's the deal: I almost never really "connect" romantically with girls when I first meet them. I get to know them as friends for weeks or even months before it finally clicks that, "Wow! She's awesome, attractive, and I really want to date her."
However, transitioning from friends to a relationship is damned hard! Bringing up the matter of dating after knowing someone as friends for a long time is awkward, to say the least, and frequently seems out of the blue because I suck at really obvious flirting. It's a romantic curse as far as I'm concerned, but I can't change it so I need to learn to deal with it.
Guys, anyone else out there operate on the same romantic wavelength and have some good advice for me? Girls, put yourselves in the place of my female friend / potential gf. How could a male friend ask you out with minimum awkwardness and without harming that friendship if you say "no"?
Answers:
1. You need to change your approach about the girl you're interested in. It's not difficult. Start treating her like she already is your g/f; don't treat her like she is a buddy/pal/etc. Guys tell their g/f that she has the most beautiful blue eyes, or you like the way she laughs. When you walk into a restaurant and sit down in a booth, don't seat yourself across from her, sit BESIDE her. Express affection by putting your arm around her shoulder and gently squeeze. Girls love to be touched in numerous ways. Get the focus off of yourself and put it on her. You'll do just fine.
2. OK, I m going to roll up my sleaves and answer this one for you. But first . . . since you said this is a recurring problem, then you need to tell yourself . . .
IF YOU KEEP DOING WHAT YOU HAVE ALWAYS DONE,
YOU'RE GONNA KEEP GETTING WHAT YOU ALWAYS GOT.
Ya dig??
Wildflower (above) already suggested the right idea.
Here's a tip. Transitioning from "friends" to a relationship is not only "damned hard" -->> ITS IMPOSSIBLE. So get it OUT OF YOUR MIND . . . . NOW.
You don't need to accept it as "fact" and just DEAL with it, you need to understand that it DOESN'T WORK.
For starters . . . you obviously do NOT want to be just friends with her in the first place. SO DON'T DO IT. That's what her GIRLFRIENDS are for.
A man would rather spend his time with a worthwhile GIRLFRIEND - OR LOVER - than a woman who is NEITHER. Right???
Read that again.
Once you are stuck in the "friend" zone, it's a door that only swings ONE WAY. And you are NEVER gonna get out of it.
And since you OBVIOUSLY don't want to be "friends" then it's extremely important to MAKE SURE she thinks of you ONLY AS A ROMANTIC interest. . . . or some such possibility. Or you will simply MOVE ON to ANOTHER.
There is NOTHING wrong with taking the COMPLETE OPPOSITE approach , and saying "Hey! Let's date!". And if the answer is NO . . . then WHO CARES . . . and move on to the NEXT one.
You follow??
The notion that you have to be "friends" -->> is a MYTH.
Particularly if YOU don't just want to be. Don't let ANYONE brainwash you into thinking you are "supposed" to develop a make-believe "friendship" with a woman before she can be attracted enough to want to date you romantically.
That's CRAP. . . and a LIE.
You are NOT REQUIRED TO BUY IT.
Women are not CAPABLE of being "friends" with guys anyway. And I will PROVE it.
Because when you are in a relationship with one . . . and you phone her to say you are going out for dinner with ANOTHER FEMALE 'FRIEND' tonight INSTEAD . . . she will throw a screaming FIT.
Sure! A woman will SAY she only wants to be "friends" with a guy . .. UNTIL HER MAN HAS ANOTHER FEMALE FRIEND. She will NOT be OK with it. And that's how you know that the "friend" zone is complete BS.
So avoid it at all costs.
Think about it.
:)
3. You get stuck in the friend zone. I know it's a little awkward for you to show interest in a girl before you really get to know her, but you have to do it before she gets too comfortable with you. Some of it may be that you aren't picking up on signs that she is interested in you, which makes showing interest in her seem a lot more uncomfortable than it really is. If she continues the conversation after you are done speaking, if she plays with her hair or flicks her hair, if she pushes you or touches you, these are all things that indicate that she is interested in you. If she does these things for long enough and you don't respond, she will lose interest and stop doing these things. That's why you have to respond to it by touching her, playfully pushing her, maybe putting your hat or your jacket on her. You can also say things you like about her, if you're uncomfortable with telling her that she is attractive, just tell her that you like something about her personality. The main thing is touching her, tickling her, pushing her a little, eventually putting your arm around her. When she is interested in being more than friends, she will indicate it in some way, probably without even knowing it and you have to pick up on this. If she is really interested in what you are saying, that's another thing. I've had some problems with being in the friends zone and it sucks. It's better to get rejected before becoming friends than becoming friends and then getting rejected. You can hook up or get romantic with a girl and still end up being good friends, but you can't start out as friends and hook up or get romantic with a girl unless you continuously flirt as friends. In this case you really aren't just friends but two people attracted to one another who are both too scared to take it further. The guy above me is right, there is no such thing as the friend zone, it's just the "I'm too comfortable with you and am no longer attracted to you, but to be polite I'll call you my friend" zone. My point is that the longer you wait, the harder it is to get romantic with the girl and the more opportunities you miss.
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