When people ask questions on here about having kids before theyre married they get badgered on being responsible and getting married first. Why? Is it a religious thing? Will god strike us woman down if we do not want marriage first? Why is it so hard to believe that people can be in love and raise a family when theyre not married? I do not understand it and its making me very mad. Marriage is nothing but a piece of paper that gives woman the right to take half of everything the man has. It gives them the right to call themselves "housewives" and sit at home cleaning and eating. I dont care if I get a bunch of irate replies to this. Its the truth. You can have a family and not be married. Its only a piece of paper.
Answers:
1. Well, because if you really look at it common law isn't as stable as marriage, not that marriages these days are stable, but relatively speaking. Then the divorce rights, yes that's really why. If you break up, you'll have more problems getting the money that is owed to you than if you were married before you broke up. Basically, don't marry for love, you don't need marriage for that. Marry for divorce! It's the only real benefit of marriage.
2. Because most don't stay together and make the child's life hell. Think what you wish.
3. I had child out of wed lock-I'm not a bad parent..It was personal choice not a option.I just never felt the type to be"Married"to me is just a paper and ring".I was with my ex-for 5yrs..We sepertated do to his unfaithfulness.I don't think I will ever marry Because is not my way of lifestyle.To be in white wedding dress and be with ppl that cry..over a wedding..So white pecket fence over statement..I'm single parent and proud.My kid so far has turned out better than..Some kid's with "both"The divorce rate is high and I do not want to be other number..I agree with you..Just a paper and ring..Like that is going to buy me "love"..C'mon is such a cinderalla disney story..k
4. I'm an Atheist....so for me it has nothing to do with religion.
I remember 2 children from the same family coming home with my daughter after school being in awe that her parents were married....to each other.
It makes children feel safe an secure....that's why they get so upset when the parents divorce.....it's important to them....and it gives the relationship some stability.
Of course marriage isn't a guarantee.....but it's the next best thing in my opinion.
**also I never sat around and ate and cleaned....I have a cleaning service.
5. Wow, you have a pretty bleak outlook on marriage.
I agree with you though, theres no reason 2 people cant be in love and raise a family without being married...........but I ask you this, if you are going to live together as a family.......why not seal the committment and give each other the greatest committment of love, and marry each other?
Just so you know, even if you arent married, if you are living in a defacto relationship with a child, you have the right to 50% of everything, so it makes you no 'better' than the married housewives!
6. Well, I may be just a little old fashioned on this subject! Here goes. Having a child together is quite a commitment; don't you think? Buying a house together is also a big commitment, in my opinion. Why the trepidation about committing to your significant other about marriage?
Can you have love and raise a family without "a piece of paper"? Most certainly. What about the commitment that comes with that piece of paper? Where you take a vow before God and your family and friends that you will forsake all others; vow to stay together in sickness and in health, etc.
I'm a believer in living together before marriage. I'm also a believer in the institution of marriage. I also believe that it's a personal choice. I don't find fault with anyone that chooses not to marry. It was my choice to do what is right for me; and yours to do what works for you.
7. u will be blessed if u get married first and then have your kid. to me it seem like people dont get married because they are not sure if they are going to end up with that person for the rest of there life. so why drag a kid into that situation
8. I think the biggest thing is religion. Thank goodness I'm not religious. I had a child out of wed-lock to, my first, I was 3 months pregnant when my guy proposed to me, we are still together (married a lil over 7 yrs) and I'm pregnant with our 3rd. So we have our ups & downs, but we really love each other a lot to work things out.
9. At the risk of being pressumed irrate;
A marriage can be a religious or civil ceromony. I would say it could also be a moral one. Marrigae isn't something (in most countries) you have to do, or should feel forced to do. Its something your suppose to "want" to do.
First, if your planning a baby together doesn't that say your planning to spend the rest of your life together?? Then "why not" be married first?? That is just the cerimonial part of saying you are staying together the rest of your lives.
If this is your plan, then why not be married first and give that to your child that their parents were married first and they were made of love in a unit of wedlock as opposed to not??
Second, if it be a religious thing, it isn't about God striking you down. Our God is not threatening. It is about respecting his wishes. He loves you, he wouldn't strike you down. He'd forgive you and hope for better for you, but never wish you harm.
Third, I would hope you didn't need to be married to be in love because I would hope you'd be in love before you were married. Marriage is more than a right to half. Its a right to many things. Such as where your spouse is buried should they pass. A right to SS should they pass. A right to other benifits as well.
Marriage is an establishment of your love, family, and life together. Its a statement to the world and each other that you love each other, are mated, and want to spend the rest of your lives together. It says you are off limits to others.
Of course you can do all that without marriage but marriage is more than a piece of paper. Its a representation of your unit and love. If you truely loved each other, would marriage be a scarey thing or seem like such a small thing? Its a ceramony of your untiting in front of all your family and friends. A celebration of your love. One you have over and over with every annivesary. Marriage is a beautiful thing, you are looking at it in a misrepresentation. It isn't evil as you seem to make it sound. Its about "love" and "forever sharing with someone".
Marriage is also not about taking "half" of something from a man. Pressuming the man has "it all" going into it. For references, my husband owns his own business. I no longer work. We had zip when we married. Even so I have no desire to "take" anything even in the event of a divorce. I'm happy with very little and 99% of it isn't retail. I have been blessed raising 4 children although most of it was on my own in the physical sense due to so many hours of his being at work. However, my sister makes $35 and hour working for the goverment and her husband makes $9 stocking freight in a warehouse. This was the case when they married 6 yrs ago as well. My other sister, exceeds her husbands income as a CPA. He is an engenieer. My brother, stays at home with his 3 young children and his wife works...... (due to medical reasons but still a fact). Thats a mere presumption not a fact.
Marriage also does not decide your fate. Why would your life be only of sitting home, cleaning, and eating if you got married?? Do you not see more of a life with this man you have chosen?? If marriage is only a piece of paper how does it give you this doom? Sort of reminds me of a joke. "Marriage isn't a word, its a sentence!" Honey as you claim, nothing would be different but a peice of paper, your title, and outcome. If marriage with this man would sit you on a couch buried in chores, so wouldnt just living with him. YOU decide what your life is. Not marriage. What an awful vision you have of life with him. Maybe you shouldnt marry this guy if he offeres you no more than cleaning his castle, eating, waiting to take half his goods away.
Marriage doesn't come from a religion, a piece of paper, or a priest. It comes from with in two people in love with each other. Marriage is just a part of those other things. We aren't married to a church. We aren't married to a piece of paper, we are married to "each other".
10. My husband and I did it. We were together for 3 years and decided to have a baby (that was 10 years ago). Then we got arounf to getting married (just a piece of paper). We've been together for 14 years total. It's really not a big deal. I guess some people question the security of the child.
11. Because being responsible and having a plan is wise. Especially when children's lives are involved. I think that most people, including myself, hear of someone who's pregnant, but not married, I think that the pregnancy was a "mistake" or "unplanned". That's not a real good way to start a childs life.
If you are planning the child and are ready and have a man who is committed for the life of the child and will be a good role model, then I agree with you. Marriage is a piece of paper.
As a child from a divorced family, I wouldn't suggest doing anything that encourages a single parent household. To me, lack of traditional commitment from partners shows immaturity, stubbornness, and selfishness. All things that don't make good parents.
Again though, marriage is a piece of paper. If a couple is truly happy and committed for life, with or without a marriage certificate, then all is well. I'm more traditional, I stay home and care for my kids and (as you say...eat). I love my family and you are being equally as judgemental over me choosing to put my kids ahead of a corporate career or something.
We all have different values and goals and wants out of life. Meet yours and you'll be happy. Difference in opinion is what makes this world a cool place to live. Just be happy. Good luck to you.
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