My ex has been aggressively pushing me for a divorce (we've been separated some while) for a few months. I've not been ready to make this final cut and am really struggling to deal with it. This evening I received an e-mail from him basically telling me that he has moved on and has met someone new. While I accept this, I now realise this is why he has been so unpleasant and it really hurts. He has also been incredibly dishonest as he has already introduced this lady to our children (he doesn't know I know this) but in the e-mail said that he would 'gently' bring her into their lives. I would appreciate some good advice as don't know how to handle it.
Answers:
1. I'll accept the divorce and moved on because he clearly has.
2. dont rush it!!! when things are rushed, we make mistakes! slow down.
3. get a lawyer, they can help you get some things from the marriage that will burn him, because he's the one that has found someone new
i would also join a support group. ppl coping with the same issues can help, possibly.
feel better!
4. Move on, get the divorce and stop worrying about what he is doing, it will drive you nuts.
5. Let him have the divorce. I would focus on yourself and try not to let anything your ex do to bother you. If you find love within yourself everything will be much better and you'll one day find something much healthier and better than this ex.
You should never want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you.
6. My advice would be to get it over with (the divorce) and move on with your life. He is telling you in no uncertain terms that he is done. You're holding onto something that isn't there. When he does get involved with other females, your kids will enter their lives too and there's nothing you can do about that (don't worry about it either unless they are hurting your kids).
7. i know you want to hang on to your past marriage, but you have to accept that it is over ..it is time to let him go and get on with your life...you should be trying to find your own happiness.. close this chapter of your life...
8. He moved on and he is trying to get your kids in it so accept the divorce and don't see each other.
9. First of all, you are a total wuss, i mean, be a man, suck it up loser. Dump her already!!!!
Get your life back on track.
10. With dignity, composure, maturity and self-respect. Be a good role model for your children. The ex has begun a new life; one which includes his girlfriend and there is nothing you can do to change that; she will be a part of the childrens lives. Just let your children know how much you love them and you are and will always be their mom.
11. One of my close family members is going through the exact same thing. While I cannot completely relate, I can begin to imagine how hard things probably have been for you. When relationships end badly, it's almost like you don't who the person has become.
You can get a court order to stop him from introducing his significant other to the children prior to the divorce being finalized. It's illegal if it is against your wishes, however, I don't him, and I don't know that he won't do it anyway. The children are most likely going to feel more than a little torn. They may think that the woman is nice, but their loyalty to you might make them feel like they aren't allowed to like her. I would try to work with your ex to create some boundaries, while still keeping a distance (make sure he knows how little you want to hear about his "new life.")
I hope this helps!
12. Let him go. Give him a divorce. Why would you want to stay married to someone who doesn't want to be with you. I don't mean for that to sound mean to you, but why would you want him now? Let him go, get on with your life, and yes please get an attorney ASAP! Take care.
13. Why are you holding on? Move on with your life. That doesn't mean that you have to have a man in your life. Now is the time to do the things you have always wanted to do. Start a new career, try something adventurous, but most of all spend quality time with your children. The children will let you and him know if they are uncomfortable with this new lady. Hopefully you two can come to some amicable decision on how this should be handled if they are uncomfortable. Let him go , it is obvious that he made this final.
14. I know you are hurting right now, but let him go, he is already far too gone and the more you hang on the more you will not be ready to face it on your own.
15. Please for you own sake accept the fact your marriage is over & put your past in the past & leave it there. Your husband has already moved on & is not going to change his mind at this point in time. It's now time for you to start a new beginning for yourself too. Just prolonging it is not going to make matters any better for all involved. And, look at it in a different lite, there just might be a special someone rite around the corner waiting for you. When one door shuts another one opens. I know acceptance is the hardest thing to admit, but comes a time when it's time to finally let go. Get rid of all the bitterness & help lighten you own load. Once you've accepted it, you honestly w/feel much better & can close that chapter of your life once & for all. Do it for YOU. I DO wish you the best, & feel you'll be OK once it's over with. Don't stand in your own way.
16. Cut your loses. I know it is probably hard, but ask yourself 'Do I really want to be married to someone who doesn't want to be with me?' I know it hurts now, but it will pass. You will meet someone that is right for you. Someone that he can't hold a candle to. However, you can't move on until you let him go.
17. Man,,,,this is something that's not going to be easy for you to accept,,,,but you have to deal with it the best way you can,,,in order for you to get through it just every now and then,,,,call your sister,cousin or friends and start going places,,,,meet new people and have fun,,,,,,,,when you meet new people and make new friends,,,,some things aren't as hard to get over at times,,,,,have fun with your children,,,,,,and what ever you do,,DON'T question your children too often about that chick or don't feed them negative things about her,,,cause you might get feedback that you don't need or want,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Ju... Pray!!!!!!!!!
18. Your answer is in your first two words....
"ex" as in exit and start a new life for yourself.
He has moved on and if you try to hang on or try for any sort of reconciliation you are not going to do yourself or the family any good.
Done. Over. Caput!
You have your whole life in front of you... no looking back.
g-day!
19. A few months, this doesn't sound too good. In fact it sounds like he had already made up his mind. You deserve better but you don't have to make it easy for him and her. It could just be a fling or maybe you still just want to wait a while. Tell him you have a lot on your mind and his quick divorce is not one of them. Concentrate on your kids and being supportive of them through this transition. If you wait six months or a year will Miss lady still be around? It takes time to know people, the operative word being time.
20. I feel for you in this situation. Its going to be tough but you really will get through it. There are somethings in life that we just cant change and in those circumstances we need to adapt to survive. Your kids will be a good incentive for you. Just as you are feeling it so are they. You, as the adult, need to be strong for them as well as yourself. Try not to loose it infront of them and look ahead. There is a light at the end of the tunnel as they say. Be positive. You two did have something special once and it produced beautiful kids which you will now share. But the relationship has changed now and all he is giving you is pain. The time has come to move forward. And believe it or not in time you may even thank him for allowing you the opportunity to experience the peace and freedom that now lays ahead of you
21. if you cant let go , you must still love them.
you can not make them love you, so do the divorce and move on happyness is around the corner
you both need to be responsible about who the kids meet its always confusing and upsetting for them
22. You need strong support right now. This is all about YOU. How you are treated and how you become strong to deal with this. Call your best friend. Talk it out. Don't keep it all inside where it will fester and trouble you. Find additional support from your good and trustworthy, loyal friends. Get them around you and just let them know what you are dealing with. They will help you become centered and strong in the face of this so it will not consume you. This happens to people. It is happening to you. You can become strong with the help of your friends and work your way through this and come out the other side a stronger and wiser woman for the experience. Believe in YOU. Get your best friends really close to you so you will not start second-guessing yourself. Slow everything down so you can get your bearings. If you can find a good attorney, do so, as he will be able to explain your options to you and give you some additional power of choice. My heart goes out to you. Let your friends help to heal you and do not try to manage all of this yourself. Accept the love and help of your friends to help pilot you through this. Best to you, always. From Chris in South Portland, Maine, U.S.A.
23. go see a solicitor. and don't let this two hat mess you up. you are better than that so forget him and move on
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