My best friend is trying to get pregnant. She told her husband she is on the shot. He doesn't want a baby yet, and she does. They have been married for 8 years now, and she doesn't want to have to wait and then it be too late. I feel bad because I don't think deception is right but I can see her view. I don't want to promote this, but she is one of my best friends. What would you tell your best freind if this was her?
Answers:
1. I'd tell her that if she wants a baby she should have one but also she needs to keep in mind that her husband may leave her and she may have to raise this child on her own, and i would ask her if she's sure shes ready for that. Her husband may not take well to her deception and not want anything to do with her or the baby...i would ask her if she is aware of this reality and if she is sure she can face it.
2. Deception will only lead to problems down the road. She just needs to be completely open and honest with him about her feelings. And she needs to decide which is more important to her: having kids (now), or him. If having kids is more important and he isn't interested in having kids anytime soon, she needs to think about moving on.
3. I would tell her to be truthful to her husband. She could get pregnant and then the truth comes out (it always does at some point) that she meant to get pregnant and he could leave her. If I was in his shoes and she got pregnant I would think seriously about leaving her immediately. She's a liar at the moment clear and true. Nothing but a liar. Now if the husband doesn't want a baby after 8 years of marriage then he probably never wanted one or will never want one and maybe she should ask for a divorce. But my advice is to tell her to come clean and tell her husband the truth or it could bite her in the butt in the end.
4. I would not tell her anything. A couples relationship is between the two of them.
If she is choosing to lie to her husband and be deceptive, she will get caught. She is taking the chance of ruining her relationship over this deception.
If she asks for your opinion, you can tell her that you would not make the same choice, and leave it at that.
Since your friend has chosen to deceive her husband, no good can come of this and you do not want to be involved, no matter what happens, you will be the one who has interfered. You are better off to be silent and let things work out between the two of them.
I know a couple of women who pulled this type of stunt and ended up ruining their marriages over the deceit.
| 