My friend's situation.?

1. 2 hours ago
-- I don't know if she knows whether it will help her heal. How does anyone know? But I do think that she would just as soon not tell if telling were of no use to her mental well-being.

2. Why does she need to tell? Will it help her heal? If so, then yes. Otherwise I wouldnt

3. It's entirely upto her but she should look upon 2 perspectives. 1- Keeping it in the closet and try to forget about it, as hard as it may seem to get rid of that, but with some psychiatric help it is possible, and then the family won't have conflics. 2- If she tells her mother, her full family will begin to hate this man, which in right he deserves, but it may cause alot of controversy and fall outs in her family. I really don't know what's best to do.

4. Yes I think she should tell her mum.

5. absolutely, she shouldnt have to deal with this in her own head. I can understand talking about it would be extremely hard for her, but thats her mum and im sure she would do anything to protect her daughter. Very hard situation but i say she should talk

6. i wouldnt, because it might do a lot of damage

7. I think that deciding to tell anyone about it is a very personal decision that your friend needs to make on her own. She needs to think about why she wants (or doesn't) to tell her mother and what she is hoping to get out of it.

8. Yes she should tell her mother. It sure would be awkward but I think that would really help her. She could just sit her mother down alone and begin by "I need to talk about grandpa." She really should talk to her mother though since she really wants to tell her mom about it. Keeping it inside if she wants to get it out is no good. I'm sure her mother would understand and she shouldn't be too worried about a family fall out. Hopefully everything goes well.

9. I agree. She must tell (for many reasons). First, she may not have been her grandfather's only victim! If SHE comes out about it then it may encourage anyone else who's been suffering as a result of this sick man. Telling people (only one's you trust, of course) will make her feel much better about the whole thing.

10. Your friend definitely needs to tell her mom. A situtation like that one will affect your friend for the rest of her life. There will be emotional difficulties years and years down the road becuase of the molestation. If her mom knows, then she could help her daughter with counseling or emotional support. I would very strongly encourage your friend to reveal the matter to her mother.

11. That would be a terrible burden to bare, but could be even more difficult to let out. If she can get past the incident without telling her mother, perhaps she should not tell her. She is absolutely right to believe that it would completely alter her mothers view of her father - assuming she is not already aware on some level. If she believes that her mother needs to know in order to get past it, then maybe should tell her. While I understand your perspective that her mother should know, that information could do as much damage to her mother as the actual abuse did to this girl. And then perhaps on top of dealing with abuse, she will also begin to blame herself for hurting her mother so this release of information may become more detrimental than helpful. Food for thought.

12. I think she should tell her mom. It's not her job to protect her grandfathers reputation and as much as she's worried about hurting her mom she is the child and should be able to go to her mother with this. Keeping it bottled up in side will not help her get over what happened.

13. Yes, she should definitely tell her mom. Her mom may think of her grandfather in a different way, but the man is gone now. Besides, telling her mother may finally give her some closure. Believe me, talking to her mom about it will make her feel so much better. And this is coming from someone who has been through it. So, tell your friend to talk to mom and release some pressure. And if she doesn't know how to tell her face to face, suggest writing a letter.

14. I think she should go ahead and tell her mom, especially since it keeps bothering her. I think she would feel a whole lot better. Tell her not to worry about what to say, but just say it. Speak from your heart. Just tell her the situation and let her know that you waited so long to tell her b/c you weren't sure if you wanted to say anything. It will be just fine.

15. This is a really difficult situation. Sure it seems simple, tell or not ~ but there is a lot more to it and I can really understand why your friend is finding it hard to decide. On the one hand, she wants to tell her mother what happened to her, and to have a way to discuss it and make some sort of closure, or find peace, or whatever her reason is. Everyone has a different reason, but talking about our exeperiences is a good place to start healing from them. On the other hand, telling is like walking into totally unknown territory without a map. All her life, things in her family have been a certain way. If she tells, it's going to change things, it may change everything. Something like this can create a cyclone in a family. People believe or not, take sides, argue, lay blame and get upset. But like many cyclones, once the pieces are picked up and rebuilding starts, the people find the ground is fertile and the air is clean. It's a big decision. But if this was her mother's father who abused her, she may even find she and her mother share a previously unknown connection. Anyway, I've put a link below to some folks who have a lot of experience in this very type of situation. Your friend can talk to them anonymously and get some ideas about how she can do what she wants to do. Very best wishes :-)

16. Very difficult situation as he is not around, if she has a very close relationship with her mum it might be o'k, i would recommend that she think about, maybe talk to a councillor as well. My father molested 2 of my sisters so i have an inkling of what she is going through.

17. 2 hours ago
-- I don't know if she knows whether it will help her heal. How does anyone know? But I do think that she would just as soon not tell if telling were of no use to her mental well-being.

18. Why does she need to tell? Will it help her heal? If so, then yes. Otherwise I wouldnt

19. It's entirely upto her but she should look upon 2 perspectives. 1- Keeping it in the closet and try to forget about it, as hard as it may seem to get rid of that, but with some psychiatric help it is possible, and then the family won't have conflics. 2- If she tells her mother, her full family will begin to hate this man, which in right he deserves, but it may cause alot of controversy and fall outs in her family. I really don't know what's best to do.

20. Yes I think she should tell her mum.

21. absolutely, she shouldnt have to deal with this in her own head. I can understand talking about it would be extremely hard for her, but thats her mum and im sure she would do anything to protect her daughter. Very hard situation but i say she should talk

22. i wouldnt, because it might do a lot of damage

23. I think that deciding to tell anyone about it is a very personal decision that your friend needs to make on her own. She needs to think about why she wants (or doesn't) to tell her mother and what she is hoping to get out of it.

24. Yes she should tell her mother. It sure would be awkward but I think that would really help her. She could just sit her mother down alone and begin by "I need to talk about grandpa." She really should talk to her mother though since she really wants to tell her mom about it. Keeping it inside if she wants to get it out is no good. I'm sure her mother would understand and she shouldn't be too worried about a family fall out. Hopefully everything goes well.

25. I agree. She must tell (for many reasons). First, she may not have been her grandfather's only victim! If SHE comes out about it then it may encourage anyone else who's been suffering as a result of this sick man. Telling people (only one's you trust, of course) will make her feel much better about the whole thing.

26. Your friend definitely needs to tell her mom. A situtation like that one will affect your friend for the rest of her life. There will be emotional difficulties years and years down the road becuase of the molestation. If her mom knows, then she could help her daughter with counseling or emotional support. I would very strongly encourage your friend to reveal the matter to her mother.

27. That would be a terrible burden to bare, but could be even more difficult to let out. If she can get past the incident without telling her mother, perhaps she should not tell her. She is absolutely right to believe that it would completely alter her mothers view of her father - assuming she is not already aware on some level. If she believes that her mother needs to know in order to get past it, then maybe should tell her. While I understand your perspective that her mother should know, that information could do as much damage to her mother as the actual abuse did to this girl. And then perhaps on top of dealing with abuse, she will also begin to blame herself for hurting her mother so this release of information may become more detrimental than helpful. Food for thought.

28. I think she should tell her mom. It's not her job to protect her grandfathers reputation and as much as she's worried about hurting her mom she is the child and should be able to go to her mother with this. Keeping it bottled up in side will not help her get over what happened.

29. Yes, she should definitely tell her mom. Her mom may think of her grandfather in a different way, but the man is gone now. Besides, telling her mother may finally give her some closure. Believe me, talking to her mom about it will make her feel so much better. And this is coming from someone who has been through it. So, tell your friend to talk to mom and release some pressure. And if she doesn't know how to tell her face to face, suggest writing a letter.

30. I think she should go ahead and tell her mom, especially since it keeps bothering her. I think she would feel a whole lot better. Tell her not to worry about what to say, but just say it. Speak from your heart. Just tell her the situation and let her know that you waited so long to tell her b/c you weren't sure if you wanted to say anything. It will be just fine.

31. This is a really difficult situation. Sure it seems simple, tell or not ~ but there is a lot more to it and I can really understand why your friend is finding it hard to decide. On the one hand, she wants to tell her mother what happened to her, and to have a way to discuss it and make some sort of closure, or find peace, or whatever her reason is. Everyone has a different reason, but talking about our exeperiences is a good place to start healing from them. On the other hand, telling is like walking into totally unknown territory without a map. All her life, things in her family have been a certain way. If she tells, it's going to change things, it may change everything. Something like this can create a cyclone in a family. People believe or not, take sides, argue, lay blame and get upset. But like many cyclones, once the pieces are picked up and rebuilding starts, the people find the ground is fertile and the air is clean. It's a big decision. But if this was her mother's father who abused her, she may even find she and her mother share a previously unknown connection. Anyway, I've put a link below to some folks who have a lot of experience in this very type of situation. Your friend can talk to them anonymously and get some ideas about how she can do what she wants to do. Very best wishes :-)

32. Very difficult situation as he is not around, if she has a very close relationship with her mum it might be o'k, i would recommend that she think about, maybe talk to a councillor as well. My father molested 2 of my sisters so i have an inkling of what she is going through.