Who thinks it is SO rude when people expect wedding gifts?

1. 2 hours ago
I should have said before that of course everyone likes to get gifts and to some extent expects them in return for inviting people, but if they don't get them for whatever reason, they should just accept it and not kick up a stink.

2. I really don't want gifts when I get married. I just want my family and his family to be there.

3. I agree and disagree with you at the same time. Yes it is rude to expect gifts because it's about the thoughts that count. But at the same time it's a wedding, it's not like you have a wedding every day or every year. If you were to get married, wouldn't you like to receive gifts? Or are you okay with getting nothing?

4. It seems to me that something can be given, even if travel for the wedding was involved. There is plenty advance notice of the wedding, generally, and so I think there is time to put away a little extra for a gift that isn't going to break the bank.

5. I do not think it is rude to expect a gift. People spend a lot of money on a wedding. Do you know that the average meal at a wedding is $25-$100? You are getting an expensive meal, the least you can do is spend $20 on a toaster. A long those line proper etiquette says you can send a gift up to one year after the wedding.

6. I've never heard anyone complain about not getting gifts after the fact. If you're talking about people expecting gifts privately or wondering what they might get, that's not rude. It's part of getting married.

7. I agree and disagree. like you said It's nice if you can but some just can't Sometimes people are in a bind with money. If that is the case Do something simple, to say congratulations and thankyou for the invite. You have to keep in mind that they also spend ALOT of money to have you and everyone else there, and you didn't HAVE to go. When a couple gets married it's nice for people to get them things to help them out. They should not however complain or be angry about not getting a gift. Then shouldn't be that selfish. I hope you see where I am coming from and I don't want to come off *** if I am attacking you.

8. Some people are just in it for the material possessions and that is sad. Just be happy that you have more substantial values. However, it's important to be fair and look at it from all sides. Weddings are very expensive affairs, thousands and thousands of dollars, usually. And that can be stressful on a couple who maybe is just starting out. And guests can often be equally rude and demanding--bringing uninvited guests (that the couple has to pay for) or making demands on the couple's time and resources. So, you can also see the perspective of people who are spending thousands of dollars to throw a party which guests get to attend free of charge, and eat dinner, and drink drinks. Think of it this way- you throw yourself a birthday party at your house. You buy all the food and booze and provide a DJ and you'll be cleaning up after. Then you invite your friends, they come, consume, and don't bring you anything. That's hurtful. However, if you went out to a restaurant for your birthday and everyone paid their own way, then you wouldn't expect gifts on top of it. It's all perspective.

9. In wedding ettiquette it is expected to give a gift at a wedding. You are invited to a wedding, a reception and it is a celebration of a beginning of a new life which is expected to bring gifts, it doesn't have to be an expensive gift. Could be a gesture, but it would be rude not to buy a gift and come to the wedding and reception empty handed.

10. I feel like this question is biased and you are expecting an answer to agree with you... but I'm sorry, I'm not going to agree. Honestly... I think it's embarassing to show up empty-handed (from the gift-giver's perspective). The bride and groom spent lots and lots of time and money in preparing this reception/party for guests to enjoy. Food is expensive, banquet halls are expensive, decorations are expensive... and everything takes TIME to plan. Guests who are in attendance should acknowledge this and give something... even if its a $10 gift card. Every little bit counts. I honestly don't think it's greediness that is talking, either. I would say that just showing up to a party and eating the food without giving something is greedy, because you are invited to the party. If you don't have the money to pay for a present, you don't necessarily have to go to the party, but you did, and showed up and ate their food. At the same time, if you spent lots of money just to get to the wedding, like say for example the wedding is a destination wedding, then of course that is different. But for the most part, wedding receptions are FOR THE BRIDE AND GROOM, so you should give a small something to celebrate their happy occasion. Just my thoughts...

11. From the POV of the the couple getting married, they should not expect gifts. BUT the guests should not use that as an excuse to be cheap. From the guest's POV, etiquette requires that they do give a gift if they attend. According to the Emily Post Institute: "Guests invited to the wedding have an obligation to send a gift, whether they are attending or not." (Although she gives a few exceptions.)

12. I DO!!!!!! I think if you expect everything, you deserve nothing because your already too spoilt.

13. most people give gifts, i've never known anyone to show up without one and i think its only natural to assume that a guest will bring a gift, but to out and out canvas for them is incredibly tacky. what i dislike are the brides & grooms-to-be that expect to receive gifts because they've spent a lot of money in arranging their wedding day! or expect gifts to be the equivalent price of the dinner they feed you! or expect cash gifts, and instruct their wedding parties, their family and close friends to tell anyone and everyone they want cash! no matter how nicely its put, its still 'gimme, gimme, gimme!' weddings are supposed to be celebrations of love and they have turned into extravagant vanity filled 'look-at-me and what i can afford' affairs! some seem to think the wedding day is the important bit, and the marriage, the vows, the committment, are secondary.

14. When I got married 14 years ago ( I will be celebrating my anniversery next week) I did not expect anything from anyone and people were very generous and kind to both of us. One lady on a very fixed income gave 10 dollars and for her that was a lot of money and out of all the gifts I got her gift touched me the most because she gave all she had. It is nice to give a gift my niece just got married and I was and still am unable to give a gift right now because of finances but when my husband and I get on our feet we will send her a gift certificate to bless her. When I was at the reception I was given a money bag to carry all the envelopes in and I refuesed to carry it around because I thought that was rude and in poor taste to expect money so I left the bag at our table and people put the envelopes in. I wanted along with my husband for our guests to feel loved and appriecated NOT feel they HAD to give. I dont go to many weddings but I do give a monetary gift for those that cant afford a gift a photoalbum or something nice for the home is also acceptable. I do agree that many weddings have become very cheapened with commericialism and materialism. You raise a very good point there is a lot of emphasis on gift giving. I feel you do what you can afford. Thank you for posting.

15. I have to agree with a few of the previous responders here. I mean for a wedding its a celebration of two new lives together. And everyone knows that doesn't come easy, especially when you first buy a new house and maybe even move to a new state or whatever as the new couple. So I think the gifts are more than that, they are tokens of help from family and friends that went through the same thing on their big day. So to me gifts are a symbol of help/getting the new couple off started off on the right foot. And in return the house warming party they throw if they are still in the area, is sort of a thank you I think more for the people that helped the couple out with their gifts. I mean its more rude I think to not show up with something at a wedding, even though you knew about it several months or even a year in advance. No money is that funny, that you can't at least pick up a small gift. Maybe a bit of silverware or something from the dollar store or whatever. Personally I would not accep someone's invite to my wedding if they didn't at least bring a small gift. I know it may seem rude to you, but seriously if I spent alot of money for my big day to share with family and friends, basically people that love me and my new hubby, then I would be pissed as all get out if someone just came, with their bratty kids, or just came by themselves and was there to partake in all the festivities and then down grade my wedding after they leave. I really think that is rude and highly offensive. Just my take on it. P.S. Why do you think gift registries are used? To get stuff that the couple need. Some people buy things that aren't on there, which I think is generous and at the same time unnecessary. But if they wish to do that I'm not going to turn them down.

16. While i wouldn't EXPECT people to bring gifts at my wedding, most people will anyway. I would never say anything to that person and it wouldn't bother me if i didn't get gifts . ( i'm putting no gifts on the invitations ) However, everyone is different . i'm going to a wedding in December , and i honestly would not turn up without a gift, i think that is not only rude , but also embarrassing .

17. What is so hard about going to the dollar store picking up a card and shoving some money in it! I really don't care if I get anything when I get married because I need for nothing but shoot, if I'm spending a crapload of money on a plate for you, you could at least give me an EMPTY dollar store card. But would I be mad at getting nothing of course not Why? because you're presence at my wedding is gift enough for me, the fact that you dragged yourself to the place and sat through the whole thing means something to me. But DO NOT skip the wedding then come to the reception JUST for the free meal. That pisses me off

18. It is not rude to expect gifts for a wedding, just about every wedding there are wedding gifts from the guests, but I agree that it is rude to kick up a stink if you don't get the gifts. However it IS a wedding and guests really should bring a gift even if it is something small and inexpensive, even if it is just a card. It is rude for the guests to think gifts are optional. They are happy to go for the free meal and alcohol but can't be bothered getting a gift for the couple. Rude as! And yes you shouldn't invite people just to get gifts, in fact I have never heard of this happening as what you pay for the extra person would (generally) not be covered by their gift, so why bother.

19. 2 hours ago
I should have said before that of course everyone likes to get gifts and to some extent expects them in return for inviting people, but if they don't get them for whatever reason, they should just accept it and not kick up a stink.

20. I really don't want gifts when I get married. I just want my family and his family to be there.

21. I agree and disagree with you at the same time. Yes it is rude to expect gifts because it's about the thoughts that count. But at the same time it's a wedding, it's not like you have a wedding every day or every year. If you were to get married, wouldn't you like to receive gifts? Or are you okay with getting nothing?

22. It seems to me that something can be given, even if travel for the wedding was involved. There is plenty advance notice of the wedding, generally, and so I think there is time to put away a little extra for a gift that isn't going to break the bank.

23. I do not think it is rude to expect a gift. People spend a lot of money on a wedding. Do you know that the average meal at a wedding is $25-$100? You are getting an expensive meal, the least you can do is spend $20 on a toaster. A long those line proper etiquette says you can send a gift up to one year after the wedding.

24. I've never heard anyone complain about not getting gifts after the fact. If you're talking about people expecting gifts privately or wondering what they might get, that's not rude. It's part of getting married.

25. I agree and disagree. like you said It's nice if you can but some just can't Sometimes people are in a bind with money. If that is the case Do something simple, to say congratulations and thankyou for the invite. You have to keep in mind that they also spend ALOT of money to have you and everyone else there, and you didn't HAVE to go. When a couple gets married it's nice for people to get them things to help them out. They should not however complain or be angry about not getting a gift. Then shouldn't be that selfish. I hope you see where I am coming from and I don't want to come off *** if I am attacking you.

26. Some people are just in it for the material possessions and that is sad. Just be happy that you have more substantial values. However, it's important to be fair and look at it from all sides. Weddings are very expensive affairs, thousands and thousands of dollars, usually. And that can be stressful on a couple who maybe is just starting out. And guests can often be equally rude and demanding--bringing uninvited guests (that the couple has to pay for) or making demands on the couple's time and resources. So, you can also see the perspective of people who are spending thousands of dollars to throw a party which guests get to attend free of charge, and eat dinner, and drink drinks. Think of it this way- you throw yourself a birthday party at your house. You buy all the food and booze and provide a DJ and you'll be cleaning up after. Then you invite your friends, they come, consume, and don't bring you anything. That's hurtful. However, if you went out to a restaurant for your birthday and everyone paid their own way, then you wouldn't expect gifts on top of it. It's all perspective.

27. In wedding ettiquette it is expected to give a gift at a wedding. You are invited to a wedding, a reception and it is a celebration of a beginning of a new life which is expected to bring gifts, it doesn't have to be an expensive gift. Could be a gesture, but it would be rude not to buy a gift and come to the wedding and reception empty handed.

28. I feel like this question is biased and you are expecting an answer to agree with you... but I'm sorry, I'm not going to agree. Honestly... I think it's embarassing to show up empty-handed (from the gift-giver's perspective). The bride and groom spent lots and lots of time and money in preparing this reception/party for guests to enjoy. Food is expensive, banquet halls are expensive, decorations are expensive... and everything takes TIME to plan. Guests who are in attendance should acknowledge this and give something... even if its a $10 gift card. Every little bit counts. I honestly don't think it's greediness that is talking, either. I would say that just showing up to a party and eating the food without giving something is greedy, because you are invited to the party. If you don't have the money to pay for a present, you don't necessarily have to go to the party, but you did, and showed up and ate their food. At the same time, if you spent lots of money just to get to the wedding, like say for example the wedding is a destination wedding, then of course that is different. But for the most part, wedding receptions are FOR THE BRIDE AND GROOM, so you should give a small something to celebrate their happy occasion. Just my thoughts...

29. From the POV of the the couple getting married, they should not expect gifts. BUT the guests should not use that as an excuse to be cheap. From the guest's POV, etiquette requires that they do give a gift if they attend. According to the Emily Post Institute: "Guests invited to the wedding have an obligation to send a gift, whether they are attending or not." (Although she gives a few exceptions.)

30. I DO!!!!!! I think if you expect everything, you deserve nothing because your already too spoilt.

31. most people give gifts, i've never known anyone to show up without one and i think its only natural to assume that a guest will bring a gift, but to out and out canvas for them is incredibly tacky. what i dislike are the brides & grooms-to-be that expect to receive gifts because they've spent a lot of money in arranging their wedding day! or expect gifts to be the equivalent price of the dinner they feed you! or expect cash gifts, and instruct their wedding parties, their family and close friends to tell anyone and everyone they want cash! no matter how nicely its put, its still 'gimme, gimme, gimme!' weddings are supposed to be celebrations of love and they have turned into extravagant vanity filled 'look-at-me and what i can afford' affairs! some seem to think the wedding day is the important bit, and the marriage, the vows, the committment, are secondary.

32. When I got married 14 years ago ( I will be celebrating my anniversery next week) I did not expect anything from anyone and people were very generous and kind to both of us. One lady on a very fixed income gave 10 dollars and for her that was a lot of money and out of all the gifts I got her gift touched me the most because she gave all she had. It is nice to give a gift my niece just got married and I was and still am unable to give a gift right now because of finances but when my husband and I get on our feet we will send her a gift certificate to bless her. When I was at the reception I was given a money bag to carry all the envelopes in and I refuesed to carry it around because I thought that was rude and in poor taste to expect money so I left the bag at our table and people put the envelopes in. I wanted along with my husband for our guests to feel loved and appriecated NOT feel they HAD to give. I dont go to many weddings but I do give a monetary gift for those that cant afford a gift a photoalbum or something nice for the home is also acceptable. I do agree that many weddings have become very cheapened with commericialism and materialism. You raise a very good point there is a lot of emphasis on gift giving. I feel you do what you can afford. Thank you for posting.

33. I have to agree with a few of the previous responders here. I mean for a wedding its a celebration of two new lives together. And everyone knows that doesn't come easy, especially when you first buy a new house and maybe even move to a new state or whatever as the new couple. So I think the gifts are more than that, they are tokens of help from family and friends that went through the same thing on their big day. So to me gifts are a symbol of help/getting the new couple off started off on the right foot. And in return the house warming party they throw if they are still in the area, is sort of a thank you I think more for the people that helped the couple out with their gifts. I mean its more rude I think to not show up with something at a wedding, even though you knew about it several months or even a year in advance. No money is that funny, that you can't at least pick up a small gift. Maybe a bit of silverware or something from the dollar store or whatever. Personally I would not accep someone's invite to my wedding if they didn't at least bring a small gift. I know it may seem rude to you, but seriously if I spent alot of money for my big day to share with family and friends, basically people that love me and my new hubby, then I would be pissed as all get out if someone just came, with their bratty kids, or just came by themselves and was there to partake in all the festivities and then down grade my wedding after they leave. I really think that is rude and highly offensive. Just my take on it. P.S. Why do you think gift registries are used? To get stuff that the couple need. Some people buy things that aren't on there, which I think is generous and at the same time unnecessary. But if they wish to do that I'm not going to turn them down.

34. While i wouldn't EXPECT people to bring gifts at my wedding, most people will anyway. I would never say anything to that person and it wouldn't bother me if i didn't get gifts . ( i'm putting no gifts on the invitations ) However, everyone is different . i'm going to a wedding in December , and i honestly would not turn up without a gift, i think that is not only rude , but also embarrassing .

35. What is so hard about going to the dollar store picking up a card and shoving some money in it! I really don't care if I get anything when I get married because I need for nothing but shoot, if I'm spending a crapload of money on a plate for you, you could at least give me an EMPTY dollar store card. But would I be mad at getting nothing of course not Why? because you're presence at my wedding is gift enough for me, the fact that you dragged yourself to the place and sat through the whole thing means something to me. But DO NOT skip the wedding then come to the reception JUST for the free meal. That pisses me off

36. It is not rude to expect gifts for a wedding, just about every wedding there are wedding gifts from the guests, but I agree that it is rude to kick up a stink if you don't get the gifts. However it IS a wedding and guests really should bring a gift even if it is something small and inexpensive, even if it is just a card. It is rude for the guests to think gifts are optional. They are happy to go for the free meal and alcohol but can't be bothered getting a gift for the couple. Rude as! And yes you shouldn't invite people just to get gifts, in fact I have never heard of this happening as what you pay for the extra person would (generally) not be covered by their gift, so why bother.