Okay, I have a cousin named 'Stacey' and she's 33. She has a daughter named 'Lucy' who's 16. Anyway, Stacey has always been a wild child. She used to sleep with any and everybody, catching several STDs and drama along the way(She told me all this; this isn't gossip). Anyway, regardless of her disgusting behavior, her daughter Lucy is a very good young lady. She's very into soccer and she's a straight-A student. She doesn't have time for boys. The problem is that her mother keeps insulting her and saying things like, "You try to act all quiet but you're probably some secret ho or something. I was very perfect and good when I was young(a LIE!), and you better be like me!"
It disgusts me what a liar Stacey is and I would love for Lucy to know what kind of a trashbag her so called "perfect" mother really was(and still is!). Should I let the "truth" spill out or should I just watch my my poor cousin try to live up to some false standard that her crazy mother set for her??
Answers:
1. adopt the girl and smack that *****, anyone who tries to do the best with there life deserves better
2. I would not tell her about her Mother's behavior, because all though Mom name calls "Lucy" will defend her Mom and say your lying, its human nature.
Instead I would just support Lucy and tell her that your proud of her and encourage her to continue on the right path, help her set up and achieve goals. Your a great Cousin and awesome support when and if Lucy needs you.
3. hmm, that's a sticky situation. Most are probably gonna say not to say anything since it's not your daughter or your business. I think the best thing you could do, without causing drama in your family would be to positively reinforce "Lucy's" maturity, decision making and lifestyle. You can tell her to not let her mother's comments bother her and that you know, no matter what, Lucy is not a ho and is a very bright, respectable young woman and are proud of her.
4. You should talk to Stacey and tell her that she is not setting a good example for Lucy. If she still doesn't talk to her, than you should tell Lucy that her mom was lying and just for Lucy to keep it up regardless of what her mom says.
5. if any parent talks to their kid that way, then they shouldnt be raising the kid at all. you should try to get Lucy out of that situation. im not sure how, but if you think itd be a good idea for her to come live with you, then by all means, go ahead.
6. Heres the thing, maybe your cousin is trying to protect her daughter from knowing her mothers past.My mother was the same way but now that I am older Im finding out the truth more and more and it upsets me that my mother pretended she was perfect when she was far from it.You dont want to make an enemy of your cousin so its best to keep quiet.Bringing up someones past causes nothing but pain.She probably never told her daughter because shes ashamed of her past.Theres no reason to bring it out.Its not your place.The truth will come out one day and everyone will find out.Secrets never stay secrets forever.
7. Ohhhh..... a hard one hey!! I can't stand parents who are deliberately making their child's life a mess. Sounds as if she would be better out of it all together.
Although it is tempting to tell Lucy a few home truths about her so called mother, I have learnt over the years that it is best to keep your mouth shut. All that will happen from doing so will be that Lucy will resent you for telling her bad things about her mother and you will loose her from your life. You don't want that as it sounds as if you are probably the only good and stable thing in her life and she will need your influence and guidance as she goes through life.
Just be there for her and give her all the love and support she needs. Break the cycle and she will become a better person than her mother ever was!!!
8. Lucy is a straight A student so she's not stupid. There is an old saying in the UK 'The truth will out'. If I were you I'd keep well out of it and wait for nature to take it's course. A lot of people can get hurt if you open your mouth and you will be one of them. Is it worth the hassle? Swallow your frustration be there for Lucy when the s*** hits the fan.
9. i dont think it's your place to divulge that sort of information to your neice about her mother, besides how many parents actually tell their kids everything they got up to when they were younger? but its clear that the unrealistic expectations she is putting on her are unfair and potentially damaging to Lucy's self esteem. Spilling her secrets could your relationship with stacey and maybe also lucy, and it seems she needs a respnsible and kind influence in her life. perhaps you could speak to Stacy and try to explain the effect her words are having on her daughter at this vulnerable and impressionable age. explain to stacey that she should trust lucy and not automatically suspect her of the same behaviour stacy was guilty of at the same age. point out to her how much it would hurt lucy and that its increasing the chances of lucy rebelling against her mother. if stacey trusts you to confide in you in the first place, hopefully she will accept your advice and save her relationship with her daughter.
10. A: I think that Stacey is trying to hide her past from her daughter
B: As for parents not telling their kids about their past, I don't that you have to tell your kids DETAILS, but you could say, "I was a troublemaker and I made a lot of bad decisions and I hope that you don't follow the same path that I did." That way, you're still protecting your past, but you're not being a friggin hypocrite.
C: I don't think you should say anything to Lucy, but you should tell Stacey to lay off of her daughter and remember her 'hot-in-the-pants' days.
11. I will have a date'' with Stacey ANd I will warn her of this . Get off on Lucy back because I am going to tell her the whole truth about your saint ;;life IS it very clear beetwen you and me Oh she will be mad but you will save lucy many insult
12. no its not your place to do that. talk to stacy, remind her what she was like, and tell her thats not right for a mother to talk to her daughter like that (it isn'). Everyone makes mistakes, its all a part of growin up. when 'lucy'...gets older, and become a better person bcuz of this, she's going ot remember all of this, and it could possibly affect their relationship later.
13. keep your mouth shut. she will find out eventually and you don't want to be the bad guy in the end.
you know the one about "don't shoot the messenger?"
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