I love my husband dearly, but often he will talk and say things like "I know what i'm going to do to you.. We make sexual remarks which is nice and flirty and i think this gets him thinking sex is a definite for the evening, but sometimes when the evening comes I'm tired. The sexual talk and jokes during the day make me feel some pressure about making love to him at night. Sometimes, he will just jump in the bed and tie up his hands and just lay there then he will say ok sweetie what are you going to do to me? And its in the afternoon or something. I love my hsuband but feel I can make love to him easier WITHOUT all the hints and pressure. I tried to tell him this and he just laughed at me and said their is no pressure. When he laughed at me i told him to just forget what I said. This is why I'm asking for help here. I like the flirting when we talk, but i feel its pressure for sex later and it feels uncomfortable. Then I feel he gets frustrated when we don't make love later. HELP.
Answers:
1. 10 hours ago
When your talking like that all moring and afternoon you cannot predict the evening....but the joking/talk feels like pressure that I HAVE to make love in the evening.... does ANYONE understand what I am saying????
2. 10 hours ago
He's the one that starts the sexual playful comments, not me. What do i do, ignore the joking and comments?
3. Oh, yeah, THERE'S the way to tell him he really matters to you.
Play act at desire all day, and pull a headache in the evening.
Well, get your lawyer started, you might as well be prepared for the divorce.
4. why would u even feel that way he is ur husband and I guess it 's good that he is asking u and not someonelse
5. Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do.....I like the attention and flirting too, but eventually if you don't 'put out' for lack of better wording, he will get angry and resentful, and you know this. So do what you need to do to keep feeling sexy and in the mood, and sometimes just do it because you know it will make him happy...and you know, don't you eventually have fun anyway?
6. Stop flirting back. I think he'll get the hint.
7. I can certainly understand why you would feel this way. You feel like the flirting earlier in the day means you are "expected" to do something later and in a way that is almost a turn off for you I think, because then the "pressured feelings" get in the way. I think that is perfectly understandable and I think some people on here were not very considerate of your feelings and didn't weigh this out carefully enough.
My suggestion would be ...next time the two of you joke around like that, tell him right then that you love flirting, but to please not expect anything from you later, that you are simply in the here and now, and right now it sounds nice. Also, you might tell him that you are really turned on when he is spontaneous and there is nothing planned. He spends a lot of time telling you what he expects...let him know a few things you expect too.
If this doesn't work, I think I would tell him that you really don't want to joke about what you are going to do to each other because you are afraid you will let him down. Because I don't think the flirting through the day is really worth it if it only winds up bothering both of you at the end of the day...you because you feel like you can't follow through, and him because he is now expecting something from you.
Good luck. Hope this helps.
8. All that I can say is that you need to get on one side of the fence or the other, but quit trying to straddle it. In other words, either quit feeding the dirty talk or get happy with the sex.
9. I hold the belief that whenever your spouse wants sex, tired or not, you should. I do belief though when you notice your spouse is tired you should care about what they are feeling and pass for the night. So it's a two side thing.
Now, this quote is perfect! "I like the flirting when we talk, but i feel its pressure for sex later and it feels uncomfortable." Did you tell him this specifically? That's pretty clear.
Another good quote to tell him, of course changing it to direct conversation, is this " I love my husband but feel I can make love to him easier WITHOUT all the hints and pressure". What he is doing is better defined as 'teasing' not direct pressure.
I think the best way to solve this is talking to him, even though you tried before. It won't hurt to try again. Just say in a sweet voice "Honey.... and what you want to say here". Explain to him clearly that you don't like it, even if he doesn't call it what you call it like you said here "he just laughed at me and said their is no pressure.", tell him you don't like his teasing or that it is a turn off.
10. Why don't you sit down and make clear lines of communication.
He may not understand what you expect from "joking".
He may think joking leads to intimacy, and you feel it doesn't.
He might feel that cuddling leads to home base, and you don't.
You need to sit down and talk about which signals means what.
My husband and I are currently in a similar boat.. if I even cuddle up or kiss on the cheek, he is thinkins home base.
11. Wait till you hit your mid life. Then the tables will be turned and you'll be the tiger stalking prey and he'll be the one pleading tired.
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