Ive got a boyfriend in Turkey & Im Turkish as well but I live in Canada,I go there every summer for 2 months. There's a problem though.We both may be Turkish but our parents are from total different villages.Which means religion difference, Im Alevi which means we choose not to wear a hijab but still some sort of Muslim,we are not strict with religion,we are liberal. In his case his parents are Sunni and it does not bother him or me.They may be Sunni but his mom doesn't wear a hijab so there liberal but I cannot ask him if he's liberal.I talked to his friend and his friend said because they have CHOICE.Now if we were to get married he told me he wouldnt decide to close me. But Im thinking the parents will not accept me thats why they may choose so to make me wear a hijab?My boyfriend keeps telling me that wont happen because its us getting married not them.Now another question Im afraid to tell my parents cause hes sunni but there open,how can i explain to my dad about my boyfriend?
Answers:
1. Wow, this is a very interesting question. I'm sure not many people have been in such a situation like yours, but from my point of view, I say you're lucky that your boyfriend is willing to be with you despite your differences or what your families think. You should tell your dad about your relationship soon, until things get more serious, cause it already sounds like its getting that way.
2. hi..i am with my boyfriend for 3 yrs now.he is a pure muslim and i am a christian..both of our families knew about us and though his family would want me to transfer to their religion, they won't force me.i am free of not following their tradition as long as i do not harm them and i do not insult their culture. both are happy for us..as to the children in the near future,i can obey them,to let the children follow their religion.
also, why are you afraid to ask such [religion aspect] with your boyfriend?you two should talk so as not to prolong your agony..and so that you may have enough answers and reasons in doing other things when you fail to receive an expected answer from him especially in dealing with his family... there is no harm in trying.. =)
3. If you're at the stage where you're considering marriage, talk to your boyfriend's Mom. Ask her how she feels about the differences you described. If she doesn't wear a hijab why would you think she would insist you wear one?
If your parents are open you should be able to talk to them about your feelings and about what you want to do with your life. Regardless of traditions, they are your parents and they love you and they'll want you to be happy. Talk to them about your concerns.
It sounds like you're thinking way too much and imagining a lot of what ifs. Instead of doing that, talk to the people involved. Ask them how they feel about things. Listen to their point of view if it isn't the same as yours. In the end, your boyfriend is absolutely right. It is the two of you getting married, not either set of parents.
Something else to think about: Are you coming up with these things because you're nervous about getting married? Is it possible you may be having doubts about getting married and you're using these things to keep the wedding from happening? Only you know the answers. Whatever the answers are, honor your instincts. Whatever you decide to do be sure it's what you want for yourself.
4. whatever the situation is, you must tell your parents the fact. they need to have a clear idea about whom are their daughter going to marry. talk to your dad frankly. be soft and polite when you talk to him. don't tell him that..."its my decision"...or something like this. tell him that you need his advice so that you can adjust yourself with this situation. i believe he'll help you and suggest something wise.
for information, let me tell you one thing, both of you are muslims, and that is the matter to consider. it doesn't matter to which subclass do you belong. i'm a sunni girl and so are my family members. we abide by all the muslim laws but still we are not that conservative. we are quite liberal. my mom wears hijab, but me and my sisters don't. but we are not under any pressure for that. i've seen many sunni family like mine. may be your bf's family is also the same.
the most important thing is, he has already assured you that nothing unfair will happen with wearing or not wearing the hijab. thats an important point. still, you talk to him again and make it clear. but i don't think this is going to be a big problem even if you get married with him. the muslim law says that a muslim boy can marry a muslim girl (excepting the relationships that are specified as "haram" for marriage) and vice versa. there is no restriction in the inter-class marriage.being muslim is the factor, and nothing else. you both fulfill that criteria. so, the religion doesn't place any restriction in front of you. if all the other things are ok, you don't have to think about your sub-class.
anyways, all the best.
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