We've been together for two years and haven't had sex at all. The whole idea of sex scares her and I don't know why. Even when we're watching a movie or something and something intimate happens on screen, she gets uncomfortable. I tried talking to her about it but she says she's not ready for that. We're both 20 years old and both virgins. She's an incredibly shy girl. I feel so left out that so many other people I know are having sex like it's nothing. She tells me not to think that she doesn't love me, cuz she does. What could it be?
Answers:
1. she has a fear of intimacy? If sex is that important to you you gotta talk it out and/or end the relationship.
2. idk im guessing she just wants it to be a perfect moment that she'll never forget some girls are like that, she loves u but wants to make sure theres more, maybe shes scared cuz she doesnt think shes gonna please u, why dont u ask her what is wrong
3. Could be she wants to be sure the guy actually loves her and wants to wait. If you care for her you will be patient and prove you love her by marrying her. If you dont love her then leave her the heII alone.
4. She doesn't want to have sex. Maybe she wants to wait for marriage. Maybe she wants to make sure you are the right guy to do it with. Maybe the thought of sex really does terrify her. She could get pregnant...scarriest things about sex when you are not trying to conceive.
Ask her why she feels this way. Sex isn't "no big deal" as you described it. It really is a big deal, especially the first time.
5. exactly what she said ...shes not ready .......
stop talking about it to her don't even mention sex
she will be ready when shes ready
6. Nothing is wrong with her. Maybe she wants to wait until she is married. You should be happy for her! That is the best gift a woman can give her husband, and she should be respected for that.
7. hmm, well maybe its the way shes been brought up that sex is eeeeevil, or maybe they even could be an underlying problem like shes been sexually molested, which I hope isnt the cased but maybe you should spark the conversation, but even if this has happened to her its not likely she would say, just comfort her and tell you can can trust me, im here for you. be patient, you love her awww
8. Maybe she is waiting for that wedding ring.
There are a lot of shy girls still out there, but that will change once they become your wife and know what they are doing now is ok, not something dirty or wrong.
She might just be a tiger once you marry her.
9. Well, you must really like this girl if you have been w/ her for 2 yrs.
I think sex is a scary thing to think about if your a virgin. Maybe she's not comfortable w/ her body.
Or maybe she was molested when she was little. You really need to be careful and make sure she doesn't feel like your pressuring her. Maybe SEX is a sensitive topic.
If you really like her you will respect her and not pressure her.
If you just want to have sex because "everyone" is doing it, than that's a dumb reason.
10. Make sure you want to be her first. Once you take it from her, forget finding somone else. That girl will stick with you no matter what. Known fact dude.
11. did you ever think she's waiting to get married that could be the case . or something happened in her childhood where she was abused so sex makes her remember that part of her life. intimacy could make her scared expressing herself in that way with you. all you can do is make her feel comfortable
12. I would reason to guess that growing up sex was not talked aabout in her home and she was probably made to feel that sex is wrong. Porbably never given all the facts by her parents either.
If you really love her, you will patiently wait. However, the psychology behind her ideas.. Why dont you just talk to her often in a non pressuring way about why she doesnt want to. Talk about things yourparents said about sex and see if she will do the same.
Is she religious? She may want to wait til marriage
13. She could be the extemely shy kind. Try to make her feel more comfortable with you.Maybe shes saving it for marriage, talk to her about it.
I was with a girl for over two and half years without it and she was 30.Shes just saving it for marriage.Drives me crazy to think of it, but i do admire the ability to control desires as much and I can also be sure that she wont cheat on me.
I had to call it splits for a different reason though.
14. Sounds very repressed. Is she religious? Or mabye she was assulted. It would also explain the shyness Oh and dude you are missing out. Ask her about her past, but if she wanted to tell you she would have. If you love her, and she loves you than you can probably work it out. If not move on cause you are getting a little old. It's THE most natural thing in the world. Relax
15. i suggest you talk her to her about it. you'll have to coax her through it and try and get closer to that stage. i'm not quite sure how you'd go about it but i think you need to ask her why she fears it. she might have a reason...
16. Many possibilities here. Maybe she's morally uncomfortable with the idea of premarital sex. Maybe she's heard horror stories about the pain of breaking the hymen. Maybe she's had a bad experience (child abuse) that she's not willing to acknowledge. Maybe it's fear of pregnancy or disease. In any case, you need to talk. Don't pressure her or make her feel like there's something wrong with her, but let her know that it's important to you. If it's too big a barrier, you'll have to move on to someone else.
But, if she's willing, maybe you can ease her into it by taking small steps (if you haven't already)-- one date, kissing, the next date, deep kissing (necking), the next, touch her chest through her clothes, the next, slip your hand inside her top, and so on. Just set some limits and don't get carried away.
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