My boyfriend's 14 yr. old daughter has been saying how much she hates my 14 yr. old son for 2 years! He hates it. Now, they don't talk to each other at all, although they're at the same high school. Her dad says she brings stories home about my son not being enthusiastic about us moving in together and my son tells me the terrible things she says about him. My friends think his daughter is a spoiled, self-centered, brat, I'm sure his friends say equally negative things about my son. I can't see the point of putting these two together! My boyfriend says things will be rough but will work out. I am widowed, my son & I get along very well and have a very calm household. The daughter goes back & forth each week (mom/dad). My boyfriend and I have very different parenting styles. He bends over backwards having parties and driving her and her girlfriends around so she can be popular; I wouldn't spend my free time like that! He always has a houseful of girls, my son likes to chill. HELP!
Answers:
1. Keep your own homes. Spend time with one another at each others houses for the next couple of years - fourteen is a difficult age at the best of times, you are right to be concerned over the impact moving in together could have on your son - especially given the circumstances.
Good luck - your boyfriend should understand if you explain it properly - be careful not to lay any "blame" on your son as this could be passed on to the daughter & give her more ammunition.
2. She sounds like a snotty snobby little prima donna and I pity your son if you move in together. Be prepared to take 2nd place in this mans life too cuz his little brat will see to that and he will follow along since his balls are in her prima donna purse.
3. No you have to put your child first. why make things worse
4. make ur 14 year old daughter sign a peace treaty with ur bf's 14 year old son. i dont see a reason why 2 14 year olds would hate each other. that got over since like 8
5. MOVE IN!!! children will grow up and get over it. i was my mothers child and she moved in with a man who had two children- we were 3 months to 1 year apart and you know what we got over it.. eventually got along. and you have to discuss right away with your boyfriend if you will each disciplin your own children or share in desciplining each others children.. if you agree to share in the wealth give that girl a healthy dose of it. your son seems like a good kid and i'm sure if you sit him down and talk to him about how he feels about it and explain to him that being with this man would make you happy and that him as well as you trying to make this work will not go unlooked by you i'm sure he will oblidge and try for you. and about him bending over backwards for the brat, set up rules in the house and let him no that they will not be broken by either child and they will not go unpunished.. (ex. no friends in the hosue after a certain time, no back talking, etc) and stick to the rules dont let her run your household.. if she doesn't like you so what.. she'll get over it and so will the rest of you.. work it out!!
6. I think if you and your boyfriend are concidering living together, you should seek some help. Either get the kids counciling together so they can learn to tolerate each other, or talk to someone about how you and your boyfriend can communicate your and your children's differences. It seem the kids are different places and kids usually don't like other kids that don't fit in with their own "click". But that doesn't mean it's hopeless. I think this move is do-able but you should get the kids to get along before the move takes place. Let them know they don't have to become best friends or anything, just tolerate each other for the sake of your and your boyfriend's happiness. They will just have to learn to not be so selfish. Good Luck
7. Well one way to look at it is that your son will never end up in bed with his daughter! So there will be no sex problems with those two.
But seriously, I think u should dump your boyfriend! He obviously is wrapped around his daughter's little finger. U would have NO peace whatsoever in that house. And your relationship would end drastically! It is obvious your bf is just looking for convenient sex and not thinking about the relationship with u!
DUMP HIM! U will be better off without him!
8. You have three choices, depending on your decision. I gather that your son lives with you. I think your boyfriend needs to decide what he willing to sacrifice. His daughter can live with her mother if that is what she is already doing. I do not think bringing the two together in one house-hold is the answer, it will ruin your own relationship with him. If the daughter wants to visit with her dad at your new home then it will be under yours and his rules and not the daughters.
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