I am 35 years old and i have 2 kids 17 and 15 and one on the way. My mom has really never had anything to do with me or my kids she has only been to 2 birthday parties she did not come to my babyshowers (i am not inviting her to this one), or my household shower, the only reason she was at my wedding is because it was at her house, i have lived n my current location for 8 years my mom has been to my house 2 times and that was to get something, if i want to talk to her i have to call her she will not call me. Would your feelings be hurt?
Answers:
1. yes
2. I understand how you feel.But sometimes we have to feed the mouth with a long handle spoon.I haven't talk with my mom in 5 yrs just b/c of her way.So life still goes on.You have your family now.Just make sure you learn from your mother's way so it will not be your way.Also your doing a great job making it through the day with all the responsibilities on your plate.No need to add more stress!Keep your head up and make it happen for what you have produced!
3. yes, I have to admit. but she is your mother, right? without her, without you. you can pray for her ,give money to her and if possible, you can talk to her actively. Close relationship will make life better.
4. My mom is similar. It does bother me & I have told her. I don't really worry about it, it is what it is. I focus on my family & doing things different hoping we will always be close.
5. depends on how she acts towards me.... If she was a total asshole I wouldn't give a damn if she was ignoring my calls, hell I wouldn't even call her in the first place!!
6. Your mom and my mom have a lot in common. Of course it hurts! But it isn't your fault. This is about her and how she views her role as mother. She probably thinks it was over when you turned 18 or graduated college or got married or whatever mark she picked to be the point where she wouldn't be a mom anymore. She doesn't realize it is a lifetime gig.
As my mom gets older, she has gotten better. One day she called each of her three daughter's and told us each that she loved us. We were so stunned we burned up the phone lines calling her favorite (she has a favorite too and it isn't me! that hurts too) asking if she was dying. She said she didn't know, so we actually asked our mom if she was dying because she said she loved us.
I chalk it up to something my grandmother said once. She told me that when my mom left my abusive father, the family wanted her to put us up for adoption. I asked why and my Grandma said it was because she was too selfish to be a good mom. I would say they nailed it.
All you can do is your best. You have your own family, make sure you are better to them than you were treated. Keep calling her from time to time and maybe one day she will come around. Probably not until she starts to feel aged or weak or needy, but forgive her. We all just do the best we can with what we have to work with, she must not have had much to work with in this area.
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