Here's a little more. I guess I was raped when I was 14..totally drunk and didn't know what was going on...then I had a boyfriend of 7 years who cheated on his girlfriend with me. But that was a long time ago, and my husband doesn't know that I don't trust men. Bottom line, my husband knows everything about me and he is my best friend, its just this one thing....and it is not worth him knowing about it b/c it isn't his fault....I know its me
Answers:
1. 4 hours ago
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2. 4 hours ago
my husband knows about the rape but he doesn't know how much I mistrust men.
3. it is worth him knowing... if it affected your life particularly if it affects your life and relationship currently then it's fair to tell him about it
your boyfriend will be relieved to know that it's not something personal, as i'm sure he has a clue about the distrust
4. Wow, that's really tough. I heard someone speaking the other day about how something that happened in your past can be holding you back now, because you haven't fully dealth with that thing. They gave the example of a dad whose son died crossing a road. So, he petitioned for crosswalks and speed bumps to be put up in their area. He thought he'd feel better and that the death meant something, but he was still depressed. Then he went to this grief counseling course, and realized he was still having unforgiveness which was holding him back. So, it seems as though you haven't fully dealth with that issue. A counselor can help you bring to your conscience all the feelings you may have been suppressing. Then you can deal with them. Get hubby's support too. You can't deal with something you don't really know about. It was a violent crime, lots of people just bury such things and "get on with life", cutting down the tree, but leaving the root. If you dig out the root, I'm sure you will begin to feel free to enjoy life and your man.
5. I am so sorry that this happened to you....and I don't blame you for not wanting to trust men again.....but honestly not all men are monsters....you and your husband deserve a healthy relationship....and if you have never dealt with the rape....you really should...it will bring all those negative feelings to the surface...so you can deal with them...I disagree when you say that it isn't worth telling your husband...He should know so that he can be your support....your rock.....What happened to you wasn't entirely your fault....you made some very bad choices....that resulted in you being hurt and left you with trust issues....Talk to your husband...because not being able to trust your husband isn't a real marriage and it will ultimately destroy your marriage....
It is good that he knows about the rape...but please do tell him how you mistrust men....he loves you and will understand why you feel the way that you do.....How do you think your husband would feel knowing that you don't trust him....and he has never given you a reason to not trust him? I think you should give your husband more credit than what you appear to be giving him.....
6. I'm sorry to hear that you went through what you went through, but if you can post this online, I know you can tell your husband. It might be hard, but he deserves to know, he could help you with this and I'm sure he will be understanding. Your husband loves you and I'm sure he'd love to help you through this. Also by telling him it could save you guys from a lot of arguments and he can start helping you and letting you know that you can trust him, he's your bestfriend and your husband, and I'm sure he'd be willing to do whatever it took to get you to where you can trust again. Good luck with everything and God bless
7. apparently he is not your best friend and he doesnt know everything about you, b/c he doesnt know this tiny little thing so you say that is playing a BIG part in your marriage. sweetie you need to seek help for your past issue so that you can move forward in your marriage and with yourself. you say its you than stop talking about it and do something about get help for self and the trust issues that you have. so that your marriage can be better than what it is. GodBless
8. I think you and your husband need to talk about this ... do not take this wrong, but go get help from a theropist ... Rape is tramadic, Its not your fault!
9. Yeah, you do need to tell him because it's affecting your marriage. You're in a lot of pain both mentally and physically, and it's all because of the abuse in your past. I will tell you from personal experience that all men are not created equally. Some are complete dogs that aren't worth the time it takes to kick them out of your life. But other men are definately "keepers". They are loving and trustworthy. If your man is anything like my man, he will be willing to do whatever it takes to help you through this situation. Talk to your man! Get some counseling, and take control of your life.
10. well, then your husband doesn't know EVERYTHING about you. it's unfair to him, considering he's a man. you obviously married him for a reason. if he's a good man, and good to you, he deserves to know the truth about how you feel towards men. none of this is your fault either. none of what happened to you is your fault. you need to accept that and move on. you're living in ten years ago. i suggest some therapy ( not drugs though. medication for recreation ONLY) you need to talk this out to sort your feelings about this. let him help you.
you have to love yourself before you can love someone else.
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