ive been married for 9 yrs and weve had a rollercoaster marriage half the time. he is very abusive not physically but every other way possible. i love him but hes mean to me. he calls me names and everything else possible..ive left him 4 times but it hasent helped. but heres the thing, when we were split up when we were going through bad times i had sexual relations with other men. when we got back together i told him about it. NOW i cant live it down. all the time he throws it in my face. what should i do..he is very jealous but i just get tired of hearing it. i started talking to this guy thats actually became a good friend over time and thats a good thing. but the bad thing is i think i might be falling in love with him. he understands me and treats me better than my husband ever has..and im very confused about what to do.i recently became a christian and i want to do the right thing. but im just tired of being mistreated in my current relationship. what should i do..any advice...??
Answers:
1. Divorce your husband....He is an abuser and he isn't likely to change.....It matters not that you are a Christian....everyone deserves to be treated with dignity and respect....
2. What you have is a BAD marriage.
IMO...the ONLY way divorce should be an option is if there is abuse. And you got it.
"he is very abusive not physically but every other way possible" Not yet you mean. Give it time and it WILL go there.
Might even happen if he finds out you posted this.
GET OUT NOW...YOU ARE NOT A VICTIM ANYMORE. IF YOU STAY, YOU KNOW WHAT IS COMING, VICTIMS DO NOT.
3. A man that loves you will not abuse you. Divorce him.
4. First things first, take care of the relationship that your in before you start something new. That could get you and your new BO in a world of hurt.
If you husband is not treating you with love and respect, then let him know what you will do, then do it. Having left him 4 times and then returning, is not helping your case either. He is confident that you have your temper tantrum and then come back home.
5. give it up. cut loose and start new and fresh with someone else.
This relationship is too damaged goods.
You should not continue to hurt yourself and him.
if you don't have kids, the divorce is easy. If you do, it is better for them to live in a healthier environment than with parents who are so dysfunctional.
being a Christian has nothing to do with marriage and relationship. God will not help you unless you help yourself first. In your next relationship don't mess up and respect your man just as much as you have to be respected and loved.
good luck
6. Blah blah blah my husband is mean we split up 4 times I am a perfect freaking angel wah wah wah wah oh wait- wait- here it comes - I met this guy that is really nice and treats me good and I think I love him and he is so good to me....... save it loser.... we are sick of reading these same damn questions that you have already answered in your question and are now looking for someone to validate yyour choice to blow off your husband for someone else. The grass might be greener on the other side but its gotta be mowed too... take your family to church if you are Christian you wouldn't be talking to other men... you would be putting double the effort into saving your marriage that you are putting into trying to get us to cheer you right into this other loser's arms... For real... this other guy... 'talking' to a married woman... any clue how he is going to treat you if you end up with him? I have a pretty damn good idea, because people like you and him will NEVER understand commitment.
7. Yes...divorce him. I wouldn't tell people what to do, normally it's none of my business, but you don't deserve to be abused like this (no one does) . He doesn't deserve you. If he can't treat you like you should be treated, it's his loss, and you need to get out of this relationship right away.
8. Your self-esteem, ego and sel-worth have been severely damaged. You deserve more and should demand more of yourself and him. If you truly desire to leave..LEAVE. After the first 2 times and things did not get better that should have been the end. What in you feels you need to take this? Love is not abusive in any form. As far as being a christian you already know having sex with someone other than your husband is wrong..now can you forgive yourself and love yourself enough to move on. God, Jesus, does not want you living this way. He loves you and who knows maybe this new guy is a blessing in disguise. Love and respect yourself enough to know what you dignity is worth to you and what your self-worth is. Good luck and much happiness.
9. Why are you asking the question instead of packing your bags?
Move out and stay out....he is taking the best years of your life and making you miserable. If this other guy doesn't treat you like an insignificant jerk go for it. Life is way too short to be treated like dirt.
10. If your husband has been abusive in any way for as long as you say, then you should leave him. But not before excepting at least part of the blame. When you were seperated, you were still married. Having affairs were the last thiing that you should have been doing instead of working on your relationship with your husband. Then to make matters worse, you actually go home and tell him all about them. You think that this had nothing to do with the way that he treats you?
11. Leave both the men, Your husband will NEVER change, and the other man will NEVER leave his wife.
12. DIVORCE HIS ***! NOW!! he has no right to abuse you physically or verbally. both are cruel and will harm your self esteeme. besides it will only get worse IT WILL NOT IMPROVE NO MATTER WHAT HE SAYS. go get yourself to a safe house they will help you get on your feet with a new life, & councling for you. YOU NEED IT> TRUST ME!!!
13. I think the marriage is damaged beyond repair. You should probably get out of it and get into therapy and figure out why you have to validate yourself with other men. You might find temporary comfort, but getting into another relationship before you have freed yourself from this one is a recipe for disaster.
14. Now that you have found someone else it is time to leave (for good). Don't look back and learn from your past mistakes (stop telling everything about your sex life to others)
15. Your husband will never change and you don't deserve to be treated like that. It doesn't matter that you had relations with other men while you were on a break, and he has no right to keep bringing it up. For the sake of your happiness, leave him. Good luck.
16. Honey, if you aren't happy in your marriage, then stop leaving this guy hoping he will change; file for divorce and leave for good. He's a bad habit, drop him like one. You deserve to be happy, and if you've found someone who does that, why should you spend the rest of your life miserable? Why not take the leap, put this disaster behind you and see what happens with the good guy who listens, respects, and understands you?
It's a no brainer and you know this. Weigh it out, one hand you have bad, mean, miserable jerk. On the other hand you have decent, nice, understanding and friendship. Stop looking for complete strangers to justify your actions. You know what you need to do...just do it. . .or spend the rest of your life wondering "what if".
17. Just too bad you made that one mistake of admitting your one goof up. I can truly imagine what you're going thru because of it, AND because of the other side of your relationship. I KNOW first hand what you're going thru & the mental abuse is so very stressful on a daily basis. I'm actually on an anti depressant/anti anxiety med. due to the SAME situation. I too am a Christian & am on a fence also. The ONLY thing hindering me are finances. IF it were not for that reason, I wouldn't be here period. God did not intend us to be unhappy nor take undue disrespect. You made a mistake, you appologized for it, you're paying for it on a daily basis. You can actually be very grateful you have someone who understands your situation & you have an "outlet" to vent to. In all honesty, I would not take this abuse if there's any way out of it. If you can leave him & get along w/o his assistance, I'd truly say go for it. There is NO reason for you to be disrespected or looked down on because of your past. You are now a Christian, you've been forgiven of your wrong doings, so if you can get yourself out of this situation, I'd certainly say do it without a doubt. God helps those who help themselves, & faith w/o works is dead. So I'd suggest to take a leap of faith & see if you can better yourself & get away from the evil you're actually living with. I DO wish you the BEST, I DO understand completely. Let go & let God...Put it in His Hands...
18. You follow your heart honey and don't settle for any kind of abuse. You deserve better and should require more. I was in an abusive marriage for 15 years and it was a horrible thing for my kids to see. I finally got out and you should too. My kids and myself are much better for leaving and them being girls I didn't want them to think that was the right way to live. You get with someone who will love and respect you or be alone. It's better then the one who's supposed to love you most knocking your self esteem down. Follow your heart and God will understand you did what was best for you and your children if there are children involved. Good luck sweetie! Stand up and don't tolerate it anymore!
19. I got butterflies reading your story...dont' know why. Leave your husband. For God sake, you have one life to live so be happy.
20. Get rid of this jerk. he treats you like dirt. I don't think you love your husband anymore. Get over him and start on a healthy relationship.
21. As soon as i read the first two sentences i say RUN!!!! There is nothing else to say...any type of abuse should not be tolerated...
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