I'm Shawna. Bout 1yr ago I moved to my fiance, we are living with his parents atm. It wasnt just a "move", I'm from Australia, he is american, we r still doing all my paperwork for my permanent residency etc. His parents are pure horror. His dad is sitting on the computer all day long, watching stuff he shouldnt be watching when ppl are home. Then he makes sexual related comments about it towards me, randomly walks into the bathroom while I am in there etc. Cant lock the door, doesnt have a lock! My fiance had a big fight with him about it, all his dad said was if you dont like move out. But we cant since he is just a 1st yr apprentice, I am still trying to get my registration as nurse. His mum and lil sisters are only friendly if they want something, otherwise they dont look or talk to us. I have to clean their house every week, they just dont do it but tell me I have to and then watch me while I'm cleaning. I pay a little rent, its money from my savings.
Answers:
1. 5 hours ago
I really love my fiances aunt and spend most of my time there, cuz I cant stand
to be in my in-laws house. His aunt told me when I first arrived I was a happy, girl but all I am now is depressed and sad. When I first met her she warned me bout his parents, said they are wierd, have no friends. Not even family likes to visit them cuz they know how they are. She said my fiance is the best person out of the whole bunch and was always the one left out. She always says if I need a place to stay to let her know. But she also says she doesnt know why I put myself through something like this. I know I am not happy in the house but I also know we cant move yet. Sometimes I regret coming over to stay with my fiance but I love him so much, he is a good guy. He is always defending me or trying to sort things out, which never works out
it always ends up in big fights with his parents. I feel as if I'm at the end of the road, but dont want to lose my fiance.
Can anyone help?
2. Girl, why not talk with your fiance about it. Maybe, he will realize that the two of you will have to move out. Why not stay with his aunt for the meantime.
3. Well hell the aunt offered you a place to stay. What's taking you so long to move into her place?
4. You state the answer to your problems in your own question.
The Aunt offered her place to you.. Why do you not go live with her???? See if the invitation is open to your fiance too!
5. Shawna. You have made a big mistake. It would be better for you to move from this home. People are not the same the world around. People have different morals, standards and ethics. Your fiance maybe very different from them but most of the time the son is not that much different from his Dad and Mom. You are being used. So stop and take an assessment of the situation and keep from making more mistakes. Good luck.
6. Is there any reason why your fiance will not move to his aunt/s with you?
7. Well sweetheart you really do have a big problem dont you. Shawna; your fiancees dad needs medical help from a mental institution. You say he is making sexual related comments to you with regards to the filth on the computer. that is emotional and mental abuse towards you. Also walking into the bath room while you are in there, that is bordering on sexual assault; he doesnt have to touch you to be charged with the above. I think you and your fiancee need to move out as soon as possible irrespective of whether you two can afford it or not. You must retain your sanity at any cost.
8. You and your fiance have to develop a spiritual connection. Most couples that are financial strapped on survive through spirituality. You sound like you about to break. So dont loose yourselve trying to have a man. If its meant to be it will happen.
9. So you have made the price for keeping your fiance', your own emotional health & well being.
I am sorry, but for me it seems to be too big of a sacrifice.
Take a hard look at your fiance's family. What you are seeing is a glimps into your future. It's not necessarily the rule, but if you think your fiance' is going to be the exception, you are thinking very wishfully.
Here's the test you need to put before him in order to find out if he is capable of breaking free of the family lifestyle.
MOVE OUT!
If he follows you, he will be choosing between you & his family yes, but sometimes it is appropriate to be selfish, & this is one of those times.
In a way he is the one who is being selfish right now. He knows that you are unhappy with the living arrangements, but he thinks he needs to keep you in that toxic environment in order to serve his own agenda. He's wrong!
If the two of you changed your thinking from "Can't move out" to "Can't stay here" you would find a way.
His Aunt has already made you an offer, & either you didn't notice, or you are ignoring it.
Plus she isn't your only option. All you have to do, is put moving out of his parents house to the top of your priority list, & the item that is currently at the top of the list will shift nicely into it's new place without falling very far.
I hope you can work things out with your fiance', but you have put yourself into a trap that has the door held wide open. But you are too scared to step back through it.
If you stay in any longer, one day you will look around & find the door to the trap has closed.
You will be standing there with two screeming kids tugging at your skirt, & he'll be sitting on the couch eating chips in front of the TV, watching you clean house.
Get the picture?
10. Since you are paying rent or what you can, I think it would be best for you and your finace to sit down with your aunt and have a discussion. Tell her you are more then willing to help out around the house, watch her kids, and pay what rent you can manage until you and your finace are able to get on your feet. Tell her you dont want to intrude on her hosptality, but you feel like your running out of options and the situation at his house is killing not only you both but your relationship.
If its not possible, get a lock on the damn bathroom door, your fiance can install one of those for you :) and when its on, use it.
11. EDITED to add: Great answers, Douglas D's answer is awesome! Best wishes :-)
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G'day mate! Sounds like you're having a few hassles in the US, it must be very different to home, and being a little homesick is probably adding to the pressures you are feeling.
It sounds like his aunt is willing to have you live with her, perhaps you could arrange to do the same sort of housework for her as you are currently doing for your fiancee's parents, plus help out with bills and so on while you are finishing your studies and finding a job?
An alternative might be to try and find a 'live in' position ~ housekeeping or child caring, where you could negotiate some free time to study but receive some sort of payment for your efforts, or even just board and lodging.
Even in the most loving families, having long term 'guests' can put a lot of pressure on everyone concerned, and it really seems like this family is already pretty much stressed, and is also somewhere you really should NOT be.
If your fiancee can't leave his parents' home for financial or other reasons, let him stay. It would be very hard to be separated, but it may be better in the long run than staying, and watch your relationship get torn apart by fights and disrespect.
Very best wishes and good luck with your new life! :-)
12. get an extra job and get out cant you move out with some other family members or friends...you might consider reporting this to the authorities,and why is his mom putting up with this especially when there are children involved (how old are the sisters?),dad doesnt need to be walking in on you,thats wrong in any country,you might consider talking to a counselor,because it seems like the family needs some serious help,and if you plan on staying with your fiance,then you and your fiance needs to stay away as far asway from them as possible
13. Well, until you can make other arraignments for living- I don't see another option. You do need to talk to your fiance about it as well as how the family relationship will work after your marriage.
Be careful, because this disfunctional relationship is how your future husband was born and he could have some other those tendencies. My father came from a dsyfunctional home and is not capable of having a normal relationship with my mother. After 3 years of therpy and 35 years of marriage- she has decided to stay in an unhappy relationship because he won't do anything to change.
But then again, my father in-law came from an abusive home and wanted to make sure that his family was nothing like that and it wasn't. Definately need to have a discussion to see what his take is on how the family functions, because that will tell you if you are capatible long term.
Best of Luck!
14. It's hard to support yourself while attending school, there's no doubt about it. However, lots of people do it, even while in nuring school. If you can't make it work now, while you aren't married and you don't have any kids, then I would entertain the idea that you just aren't ready for marriage and should move out on your own.
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