I've got a friend who seem to like to use crying, guilt and ways that would make the opposite party uncomfortable just to get what she wanna get. I've read answers to similar questions here and I found out that they seem to wanna get people to hear their feelings and feel sorry for them. The problem is that sometimes, their feelings are not exactly realistic. It is also obvious that the root of the problems that they tend to be in is actually caused by their very own poor attitude. My friend has always successfully turn every problem into my fault. It is never her fault and it would eat away a huge chunk of her pride just to admit she is wrong. In turn, she will not talk to me for a period of time (giving me an impression that I was at fault.) I really love her and would really want her to work out this problem but how can I go about doing that?
Answers:
1. if they pull the BS again say "Bitc*h stop being a Fukcing baby and grow the Fukc up and stop fukcing blaming me for everything" it worked for me...... this is no joke you have to be harsh so seriously say it just like that
2. Here's the most basic answer: You can't fix her problems.
This is called codependency: taking responsibility for other people's bad behaviors. It's comforting to think you have enough control to be able to solve her issues ... but... think about what you've said. It sounds like she's the one in control, instead. But, if you take the responsibility for her actions, then she doesn't have to -- she can keep doing what she wants and provoking the reactions she wants, as long as you're around taking the blame, trying to smooth things over, doing the work. After all, she has no reason to change.
In support groups, they love to say that a relationship is two people leaning on each other. In a healthy relationship this is a give and take, two people supporting each other as needed; in a not so healthy relationship, as with a codependent, the person with the problem is really leaning hard on the codependent and the codependent has to struggle hard just to stand upright under the pressure.
The quick fix for this? (though very hard for codependents to do!) ... walk away. You don't have to shoulder that burden, it's hers to bear. What happens when she can't lean on you that hard anymore? Well, either she falls over on her nose (and then either crashes and burns, or, hopefully, learns something -- consequences are great teachers) or she has to learn to hold herself up. Keeping on propping her up keeps her from learning to do it herself.
|
