I posted this question awhile ago:
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...
Everyone agreed that even though I love my sister, I should set things right by getting my cousin's property back to her. Since I don't live there, I asked my mom (who lives under the same roof as my sister) to mail the item to its rightful owner. It is such a simple thing to do - no need to confront my sister or anyone about it, just do it!! - but instead of doing that, she stupidly sat around mulling it over and feeling bad about the whole thing for weeks and finally called me to tell me that we should stay out of this whole situation and look the other way since we're supposed to support each other as a family. I am shocked. Is this really the right thing to do?
My cousin is righteously indignant and angry about this situation now and does not want to give up the fight. My sister is avoiding my cousin and wrote me some email that
Answers:
1. 6 hours ago
reeks of BS, claiming that the item was a gift to her from her boyfriend.
2. 6 hours ago
Me, my sister, and my cousin are all legal adults.
3. the stolen items should be sent to its rightful owner ,by ignoring it happened ,mom is saying its okay for your sister to steal....now what happens if your sister starts making a habit of stealing and now goes breaking into peoples houses to steal ?(because mom said its "okay") yes we are supposed to support family,but that is for situations such as death in the family,financial crisis ect. ignoring a serious problem is not helping is being an accesory to the fact,and is just about as bad as doing the crime itself.
4. And all of this could have been solved if you mom had just mailed the freaking thing back to its owner. I dont think you need to worry about this getting ugly, it already is.
You need to sit down with you mom and tell her what you know, though in doing so, you might make mommy over protective of your sister who your attacking. Your mom might not like you for that but she needs to be aware. Tell your mom to get the damn thing back to its owner and thats it. If your sister doesnt like it, she can move out. And which family is your mom trying to protect, her daughter or the real victims in this?
O and depending on my mood, I might let mom know that you do NOT support your sister and her habit of sticky fingers and neither should she. For all you know this stuff gets sold for drugs etc.
Time to clue mommy in on the big world and her not so perfect angel
5. When I think about supporting someone, it's usually to support them to do the right thing ... not take the easy way out.
I can understand your mum is reluctant to get involved, and after reading your first question I do think your cousin was a little unfair to ask you to get the item back ~ although I can see she did not want the fuss of a big confrontation, but guess what ~ she is probably going to get one, anyway!.
BUT, regarding your mum, helping someone to keep doing something (stealing) which is destructive to them AND to others is not the support of a loving family, it's the support of a mafia family!
Your sis may have some sort of psychological problem that pushes her to steal, or she may just not care, but she won't stop as long as others make it easy for her ~ not just easy but OK!
How will your mum feel if she steals from someone who is NOT forgiving one day and lands in prison?
You are right about this, and your mum is mistaken. She doesn't want to hurt your sister's feelings, but she IS hurting her by not confronting her. And your sister is getting away free, while you, your mum and your cousin deal with the problem.
Time to put the 'problem' in the lap of the one it belongs to! Your sis!
A difficult situation, I certainly wish you the best of luck in finding some resolution :-)
6. Stay out of it and let your sister and cousin settle it themselves. They're adults and they need to act like one.
7. I am afraid that your sister has a very serious anti-social problem, that isn't going to be cured by everyone in the family enabling her behaviour.
If it were me, after having exhausted all of the reasonable attempts to recover my property, I would seek a legal resolution. Either by filing criminal charges, or by instituting a lawsuit in civil court. Whether your cousin does seek a legal recourse or not, your sister is liable to find herself in court one day facing criminal charges (if she hasn't already) & your mother may find herself facing accessory charges as well. In the case you described here, she could be considered guilty of that.
One has to wonder just what the pay-off is for your sisters behaviour. I think that it has nothing to do with her wanting the item that she took from your cousin. I think it has more to do with all of the attention your sister is now getting from the entire family. If your sister was made to realize that she was about to be shunned from her entire family, & that would include her mother then she would return the item real quick.
However, I don't really see that happening too soon. It sounds like there's a lot that needs fixing in your family, & it doesn't begin, or end with your sister. She's just what some may call the "target patient". Certain members of your family need to recognize the difference between support, & enabling.
I hope your cousin will be brave and do the right thing for your sister, by reporting the theft of her belonging(s) to the appropriate authority.
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