Me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 1/2 years. We really care about eachother and we know eachother inside and out. He's a really good person and I know he's going to be a great father one day (which is really important to me). Our realtionship is comfortable and safe. He's been talking about marrige and babies recently & I know a preposal is not far off. But how do I know if he's THE ONE I should be with forever. Our realationship doesn't have much passion in it anymore which is something I really miss. Help!
Answers:
1. Passion is something you have to work on all the time in a relationship. Unfortunately it is the first thing to go in the midst of a busy lifestyle. So work on the passion and get couple counseling or pre-marital counseling it's a good idea.
2. If you have to ask, then he's probably not The One.
How old are you? It's never a bad idea to wait a few years until you're ready. If he asks, and you're not sure (but you don't want to break up), either ask if you can postpone it or have a long engagement to be sure you want to marry him .
3. You don't give your age or whether you've been involved in previous relationships.
I can't tell you whether he is the one. What I can tell you is that passion is not forever. Good thing, too. Most of us probably couldn't stand the excitement.
Comfortable and safe isn't bad, but the words you chose sound almost like you've settled.
Try to imagine sitting across the dining room table with him at age 40. Age 60. Age 80. How does that feel? Do you feel bored or comfortable or stuck?
Good luck.
4. Well it sounds like he is a really great guy but if its passion you want it can be rekindled, what about a trip, if your relationship has become routine try something new and exciting. Go away for the weekend or surprise each other.
5. If you have to ask "is he the one?" then he's obviously not.
6. he absolutely ISNT.
I can tell by every adjective you are using.. he is "comfortable"... he is "safe".. he will "be a great father"
You are hanging onto this dude b/c in theory he is the "perfect" future husband.
However, after 3 1/2 years you are STILL wondering and not sure if hes right for YOU.
When do you plan to find out? ONce your married and have a kid and have to get divorced?
Sweetie.. its time to move on. Just b/c a guy is perfect on paper doesnt mean hes right for you. Get out before its too late.
7. I was in the same situation because I started dating him so young (15) but when I thought about it and pictured his face I just knew. We were and are to this day best friends. Our relationship was and is comfortable and safe. Be thankful you have someone like that in your life. Just ask yourself if you can imagine your life without him or if you can close your eyes and see a future with him.
8. after 3.5 years... passion is a common thing to take a backburner. Lucky for us, its not a common problem and people have written HUNDREDS of books on the subject of gettin it back.
If you have questions on the subject, you really have something to think about. I think just because you know someone inside and out, doesnt mean you are meant to be with that person for ever. If you feel deep down in your soul that the idea of waking up one day and not finding that person by your side would make you insane and incomplete... thats means you are meant to be with him.
I knew he was the one (again) after we had a fight, and there was the slightest hint of a chance i would lose him forever... that ate me alive inside. I knew right then and there... no matter what came up, we would work through them. (It also helped that he felt the exact same way)
9. well it's hard to say looking at it from your point of view. some say passion is the key to a good marriage.. But some say that having a steady,loving, caring relationship is the key to a good marriage. My "view" is really do some soul searching. Can you see this man being the father to your children? is he supportive, loving, caring, intellingent? Does he have a sense of humor and adventure? What about this man makes you 'think' that he could be 'the one'? IF you have any doubts whatsoever.. do NOT accept his proposal. Go to couples counseling (yes even dating couples get counseling),and find out what's wrong? see if what caused your idea of passion to fizzle out of the relationship? I wish I could offer you more advice.
10. You just know when you find the one. If you have any doubt (which you probably do considering you asked this question), then he probably isn't the one.
11. i think you might be confusing passion with infatuation.
love is far more a commitment than a feeling.
love is something that needs to be worked at.
i am just now learning this being in a relationship for a couple years and getting married in 3 months.
love is a beautiful thing
marrige and babies are amazing things but take a lot of effort.
dont think that the passion is gone.. couples have to work to keep the passion there!
EVERY COUPLE HAS TO.
12. Based on the fact that you did not say you love each other, I think that answers your question right there. If you're not in love, he's not the one!
13. uh....you just used the words "comfortable" and "safe" to decribe your man...the man you are supossed to spend forever with! now...i totally get the "no passion" thing.... and with my guy, i can't say that's at the top of our list...but i would use words like best friend, sexy, supportive, romantic, hard worker, wonderful future father, even better future husband, etc...
i'm going to say if you don't know for sure after 3.5 years....you aren't going to know.
before you break it off, ask yourself this....do i have unrealistic expectation for marriage? do i have a "story book" view of romance, or a practical one? do i find that this is a reoccuring issue in every relationship i have?
you have to figure out if you are looking at marriage and your future in the wrong way....or if you just don't have "it" for this guy.
maybe some people would think this is stupid....but...why don't you talk to your boyfriend about this?? it might help you reach a conclusion if you hear what he has to say. also...could be he is feeling the same way.
oh yeah....i knew because something changed in ME that made me ready for marriage. it wasn't him. i mean...he's a great guy and i love him....but i loved a guy i dated in college too. it was a timing thing....i feel that he is the one for me because i'm finally read to give marriage what it takes.
14. i knew because whenever he was with me i felt at peace. i felt safe and secure. i felt protected. all good things that were otherwise missing in my life.
i knew because just his saying my name gave me shivers and goosebumps, because just seeing his face brought a smile to mine, because hearing his voice made my heart beat a little quicker. and it is still true.
a relationship and marriage is a hard job! you have to work at keeping the passion and romance in your life. you have to make an effort to keep the spark in your romance. it doesn't just magically stay forever.
and by the way, even tho we have been married for forty years, and have four grown children, he is still the one that makes my heart beat a little faster, brings a blush to my cheeks and makes me weak-kneed!
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