I'm wondering because the most popular advice over at Singles & Dating seems to be "just get some confidence, guys/girls are attracted to that." So I got to thinking. There must be insecure people that are married, obviously, so something must have gone right there.
What I'm asking you is:
Do you think you or your spouse's low self esteem is/was a big problem in regards to your relationship? Did it create tension or strain there wouldn't have been if you or your spouse was confident in themselves?
If this doesn't apply to you:
Would you marry someone with low self esteem?
Answers:
1. no. its not hot. LOL! No seriously.
2. I never had low self esteem until I found out my husband was cheating on me. I still ask myself why?? When I was with him he made me feel beautiful. So, the answer is Love makes you feel strong and good looking no matter what. It is that same love no matter what you look like washes away ugliness and makes you beautiful. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Remember that remind that person with low self esteem that they are loved and it is the beauty of them that should shine through not what others may see as a defect. You love them for them. They are beautiful.
3. I think it is very important and in a marriage I have learned that it is something you should assist your partner with. Help them feel good about themselves and make it a point to boost their confidence. I experienced a relationship with someone that had low self esteem and I believe it caused horrible problems because it led to insecurity and then putting me down and damaging the confidence I had once had. This is something that a lot of people don't talk about but I feel is very important. Self esteem is very important and couples should make it grow and I believe they will as well.
4. When I started seeing my husband he had really low self esteem and it was hard for me to cope with. It almost makes you seem as unattractive as you feel. After some time together he gained back some confidence, but it is still something we struggle with. I think it definately is a factor.
5. My "ex" husband caused me to have very low self-esteem, and I believe that caused alot of problems in our marriage.
Mainly because I was not happy with myself,
so how could I be happy with anyone else.
I think he thought by putting me down,
helped to build him up.
The only problem was "building him up" didn't last long enough, so therefore he kept "putting me down".
That caused alot of problems,
all in itself.
My husband now, shows me that he loves me, unconditionally...and we have the best marriage I ever thought I could have.
Because he is so good to me,
that causes me to want to treat him the same.
Because he makes me so happy,
I want to make him really happy too.
Treat people the way you want them to treat you.
And just remember:
"What You Give, Is What You Get" ;)
6. I value myself too much to allow low self esteem to enter my life, it's something I also teach my children. Think good things about yourself no matter how bad your day is going and always start and end with a smile on the dial :)
7. My former husband had very, very, low self esteem. He was also a control freak, and loved to control me as well as put me down constantly to feel better about himself. It was like walking around on eggshells around him. He was like a volcano ready to erupt. My fiancee has a really good self esteem......so no....I wouldn't marry someone with low self esteem again!
8. my husbands self esteem went down after he started gaining some weight and it never became a problem between us. i enjoyed bringing it back up by showing him how much i loved his body. its not the low self esteem thats a turn off its the putting yourself down all the time thats so unattractive.
9. I have low self esteem. I am a little overweight by 18 pounds. I visited my Dr last month and he told me that I was over my ideal weight. So that didn't help me very much. Also I work in a Pediatric intensive care unit with Specialized Nurses and Doctors and specialist. They are are so smart. I have two nurse which are nurse practitioners and they think they know it all. I am just a associate nurse . I feel so stupid at times. I work the day shift but I am changing to nights because there are not so many supervisors pulling me in different directions. With me be the associate all of the work the the higher educated nurses don;t want to do gets stuck on me. All of this really make me feel so low. You ask about husbands. At home after I have has a stressful day he will ask me questions about out budget and expect me to know the answers right now on the spot. He gets aggravated because I have to check my records. I have all this documented but he expected an answer right now. I work 12 hour shifts he also expects the house to be clean from top to bottom. There is just no way. I work over time just in the last two week I work 99 hours. How can he expect me to do it. all, To be honest I think women liberation did not do us any favors. All it did was make us middle class women work twice as hard and create tension and strain in the family.
10. I married two men that over time developed low self esteem or perhaps had it all along and covered it up well. The jealous rages, cheating, alcohol & drugs, it all became unbearable! They ended up dragging me down with them.
I have had years of therapy and can tell you that insecure people do not have happy relationships. Some more extreme than others.
I would compare insecurity to a computer trojan virus. It lets in all kinds of other problems that can shut down the whole works!
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